06-01-简·爱 [28]
没有那么多主人会费心询问他们的命令是否得罪了仆人。”
“当然！我忘了我付你薪水！那么你会因为薪水服从吗？”
“不，先生，不是因为薪水，而是因为您忘了薪水，还因为您关心您的一个仆人是否舒心，我愿欣然从命。”
“你老实，有情感，像你这样的女孩子很少见。不过也许我结论下得太快了，也许你有讨厌的缺点来抵消你的好处。”
“你或许也有。”我心想。
他似乎知道我的心思，马上说：“是的，你是对的。我有很多缺点。我21岁走错了路，就再也没找到正确的道了。我可能曾经和你一样好，可能更聪明。我不是坏人，我向你保证，但我做了错事。这不是我的性格，但环境才是罪魁。我为什么要告诉你这一切？因为你是那种听别人倾诉问题和秘密的人，因为你有同情心，给人以希望。”
“先生，您这样认为吗？”
“是的。你知道，生活艰难时，我变得绝望了，现在我只有满腹的悔恨。”
“请求原谅或许可以医治创伤，先生。”
“不，不会的。我真正要做的是改变我的个性，我还能做到，不过很难。如果我没有幸福，我就寻欢，尽管那不对。”
“寻欢可能是苦涩的，先生。”
“你怎么知道，你这么个纯洁的姑娘？你没有生活经历，不知道生活的艰难。但是我会努力过更好的生活。”
我站了起来，交谈已难以继续下去。
“我必须让阿黛拉上床了。”我说。
“爱小姐，别怕我。你不放松，也很少笑，这可能是洛伍德对你的影响。但是到时候你会和我更自然地相处的，说说笑笑，自由地交谈。你像笼中不安的小鸟，一旦走出笼子，就会远走高飞。晚安。”
■ 9 Mr Rochester's past
Soon I discovered what Mr Rochester meant when he said he had done wrong．One afternoon，while walking in the gardens of Thornfield，he told me the story of his love－affair in Paris with a French dancer，Geline．
'Yes，Miss Eyre，I was young and foolish then．I was so in love with her that I rented a house and hired servants for her．I gave her a carriage and jewels，in fact I threw away a fortune on her，just like any fool in love．One evening I visited her but found she was out，so I waited on her balcony，smoking a cigar．I heard her carriage arriving．Imagine my horror at seeing her step out followed by a man！You're so young，you've never felt love or jealousy，have you，Miss Eyre？You are floating along a quiet river now，you don't see the water boiling at the foot of the great rocks，but one day you'll come to a point in life's stream where the wild force of the waves may destroy you， where the noisy rushing water may drown you！I am calm enough now，calm enough to like living here at Thornfield．I like it because it's old，and grey，and dark， and yet I hate—'He did not finish what he was saying，staring angrily up at the windows on the top floor of his house．It was a look of disgust，pain and shame．I could not understand what he meant，and wanted to hear more about Celine，so I encouraged him to finish the story．
'What happened when she entered the house， sir？'
'Oh，I'd forgotten Céline！By the way，it's strange my telling you all this，but I know my secret's safe with you， and I know，too，that it can't have an evil influence on you－your mind's too strong for that． Yes， I listened to her conversation with her lover，an elegant young fool，and I knew I was no longer in love with her．So I walked into the room，told her our relationship was over，and challenged her lover to fight me．Next day I shot him in the arm during our fight，thought that was the end of the whole thing， and left France．But a few months before，Céline had had a baby girl，Adèle，and she claimed that Adè
“当然！我忘了我付你薪水！那么你会因为薪水服从吗？”
“不，先生，不是因为薪水，而是因为您忘了薪水，还因为您关心您的一个仆人是否舒心，我愿欣然从命。”
“你老实，有情感，像你这样的女孩子很少见。不过也许我结论下得太快了，也许你有讨厌的缺点来抵消你的好处。”
“你或许也有。”我心想。
他似乎知道我的心思，马上说：“是的，你是对的。我有很多缺点。我21岁走错了路，就再也没找到正确的道了。我可能曾经和你一样好，可能更聪明。我不是坏人，我向你保证，但我做了错事。这不是我的性格，但环境才是罪魁。我为什么要告诉你这一切？因为你是那种听别人倾诉问题和秘密的人，因为你有同情心，给人以希望。”
“先生，您这样认为吗？”
“是的。你知道，生活艰难时，我变得绝望了，现在我只有满腹的悔恨。”
“请求原谅或许可以医治创伤，先生。”
“不，不会的。我真正要做的是改变我的个性，我还能做到，不过很难。如果我没有幸福，我就寻欢，尽管那不对。”
“寻欢可能是苦涩的，先生。”
“你怎么知道，你这么个纯洁的姑娘？你没有生活经历，不知道生活的艰难。但是我会努力过更好的生活。”
我站了起来，交谈已难以继续下去。
“我必须让阿黛拉上床了。”我说。
“爱小姐，别怕我。你不放松，也很少笑，这可能是洛伍德对你的影响。但是到时候你会和我更自然地相处的，说说笑笑，自由地交谈。你像笼中不安的小鸟，一旦走出笼子，就会远走高飞。晚安。”
■ 9 Mr Rochester's past
Soon I discovered what Mr Rochester meant when he said he had done wrong．One afternoon，while walking in the gardens of Thornfield，he told me the story of his love－affair in Paris with a French dancer，Geline．
'Yes，Miss Eyre，I was young and foolish then．I was so in love with her that I rented a house and hired servants for her．I gave her a carriage and jewels，in fact I threw away a fortune on her，just like any fool in love．One evening I visited her but found she was out，so I waited on her balcony，smoking a cigar．I heard her carriage arriving．Imagine my horror at seeing her step out followed by a man！You're so young，you've never felt love or jealousy，have you，Miss Eyre？You are floating along a quiet river now，you don't see the water boiling at the foot of the great rocks，but one day you'll come to a point in life's stream where the wild force of the waves may destroy you， where the noisy rushing water may drown you！I am calm enough now，calm enough to like living here at Thornfield．I like it because it's old，and grey，and dark， and yet I hate—'He did not finish what he was saying，staring angrily up at the windows on the top floor of his house．It was a look of disgust，pain and shame．I could not understand what he meant，and wanted to hear more about Celine，so I encouraged him to finish the story．
'What happened when she entered the house， sir？'
'Oh，I'd forgotten Céline！By the way，it's strange my telling you all this，but I know my secret's safe with you， and I know，too，that it can't have an evil influence on you－your mind's too strong for that． Yes， I listened to her conversation with her lover，an elegant young fool，and I knew I was no longer in love with her．So I walked into the room，told her our relationship was over，and challenged her lover to fight me．Next day I shot him in the arm during our fight，thought that was the end of the whole thing， and left France．But a few months before，Céline had had a baby girl，Adèle，and she claimed that Adè