05-01-远大前程 [54]
myself two years ago-and I want to keep it a secret from him－but now I find I can't continue the payments．I can't explain why．It's part of the other person's secret．
Miss Havisham looked at the fire，and then at me again．
‘What else？'she asked．
Turning to Estella，I tried to control my trembling voice．‘You know I love you，Estella，’I said．‘I have loved you long and dearly．'she shook her head．
‘I know，I know I have no hope of ever marrying you，Estella．But I have loved you ever since I first saw you in this house．It was cruel of Miss Havisham to encourage me to hope，but I don't think she meant to be unkind．’
‘What you say，'said Estella very calmly，‘doesn't touch my heart．I can't feel love as you do． And I've warned you of this．Haven't I？’
‘Yes，’I answered miserably，‘but I couldn't believe it．’
‘It's the way I've been brought up．’
‘Estella，Bentley Drummle is in town here．You go riding with him，don't you？Is he having dinner with you tonight？’
‘It is all true，'she answered，a little surprised．
‘You cannot love him，Estella！’I cried．
‘Didn't you listen？I can never love anyone！’And then she added，‘But why not tell you the truth？ I'm going to marry him．’
I covered my face with my hands．After a moment I lifted my head and cried，‘Dont't throw yourself away on an animal like him！Even if you won't marry me，there must be others who love you．Any of them would be a thousand times better than Drummle！’
‘I can't marry a man who expects me to love him．So Drummle will do well enough as my husband．You will soon forget me．’
‘Never，Estella！You are part of myself．You are in every line I've read，in every view I've seen，in every dream I've dreamt．To the last hour of my life，you will remain part of me． God bless you and God forgive you！’I held her hand to my lips for a moment．As I left，Estella's lovely face looked at me in wonder，but Miss Havisham was staring at me with a mixture of pity and guilt．
It was all over．To calm my feelings I walked all the way back to London．At night the Temple gates were always closed，but the night－porter let me in when I told him my name．He gave me an envelope addressed to Mr Pip．Inside，in Wemmick's writing，it said：‘DON’T GO HOME．’
■ 14 匹普再一次拜访艾丝黛拉和郝薇香小姐
把马格韦契带到国外之前，我觉得必需见见艾丝黛拉和郝薇香小姐。当我到了艾丝黛拉的伦敦住处，我发现她已经走了，住在郝薇香小姐那里。因此，我离开马格韦契，赫伯特将关照他，我乘马车去了我了如指掌的镇上。
走到郝薇香小姐家之前，我到餐馆吃早饭，在餐馆，发现了本特利·朱穆尔，真是扫兴。但是，我能想像出他来这个地方的原因。当他发现了我，他立即喊仆人，这很清楚，是说给我听的。“听着，你！小姐今天不骑马了，记住，今天晚上我不在这儿吃晚饭了，我将在小姐家吃。”朱穆尔向我发出恶意的一笑，知道他说这些会伤我的心。他走出餐馆，吼着要他的马。
如果他说出艾丝黛拉的名字，我会揍他的。我对他十分气愤，如此沮丧的未来。我早饭没吃，直接去了那座旧住宅。
我发现郝薇香小姐和艾丝黛拉坐在那间和平常一样点着蜡烛的屋子里。
“郝薇香小姐，”我说，“我必须告诉你，我没有像以前你让我那样高兴，我已经发现了是谁在资助我的学习。我现在明白了，我不会成为富翁或大人物，我不能告诉你更多，那不是我的秘密，而是别人的秘密。”我闭上了嘴，考虑下一步说什么。
“继续说，”郝薇香小姐感兴趣地看着我说。
“我想那是你，郝薇香小姐！你促使我犯了错误！”
Miss Havisham looked at the fire，and then at me again．
‘What else？'she asked．
Turning to Estella，I tried to control my trembling voice．‘You know I love you，Estella，’I said．‘I have loved you long and dearly．'she shook her head．
‘I know，I know I have no hope of ever marrying you，Estella．But I have loved you ever since I first saw you in this house．It was cruel of Miss Havisham to encourage me to hope，but I don't think she meant to be unkind．’
‘What you say，'said Estella very calmly，‘doesn't touch my heart．I can't feel love as you do． And I've warned you of this．Haven't I？’
‘Yes，’I answered miserably，‘but I couldn't believe it．’
‘It's the way I've been brought up．’
‘Estella，Bentley Drummle is in town here．You go riding with him，don't you？Is he having dinner with you tonight？’
‘It is all true，'she answered，a little surprised．
‘You cannot love him，Estella！’I cried．
‘Didn't you listen？I can never love anyone！’And then she added，‘But why not tell you the truth？ I'm going to marry him．’
I covered my face with my hands．After a moment I lifted my head and cried，‘Dont't throw yourself away on an animal like him！Even if you won't marry me，there must be others who love you．Any of them would be a thousand times better than Drummle！’
‘I can't marry a man who expects me to love him．So Drummle will do well enough as my husband．You will soon forget me．’
‘Never，Estella！You are part of myself．You are in every line I've read，in every view I've seen，in every dream I've dreamt．To the last hour of my life，you will remain part of me． God bless you and God forgive you！’I held her hand to my lips for a moment．As I left，Estella's lovely face looked at me in wonder，but Miss Havisham was staring at me with a mixture of pity and guilt．
It was all over．To calm my feelings I walked all the way back to London．At night the Temple gates were always closed，but the night－porter let me in when I told him my name．He gave me an envelope addressed to Mr Pip．Inside，in Wemmick's writing，it said：‘DON’T GO HOME．’
■ 14 匹普再一次拜访艾丝黛拉和郝薇香小姐
把马格韦契带到国外之前，我觉得必需见见艾丝黛拉和郝薇香小姐。当我到了艾丝黛拉的伦敦住处，我发现她已经走了，住在郝薇香小姐那里。因此，我离开马格韦契，赫伯特将关照他，我乘马车去了我了如指掌的镇上。
走到郝薇香小姐家之前，我到餐馆吃早饭，在餐馆，发现了本特利·朱穆尔，真是扫兴。但是，我能想像出他来这个地方的原因。当他发现了我，他立即喊仆人，这很清楚，是说给我听的。“听着，你！小姐今天不骑马了，记住，今天晚上我不在这儿吃晚饭了，我将在小姐家吃。”朱穆尔向我发出恶意的一笑，知道他说这些会伤我的心。他走出餐馆，吼着要他的马。
如果他说出艾丝黛拉的名字，我会揍他的。我对他十分气愤，如此沮丧的未来。我早饭没吃，直接去了那座旧住宅。
我发现郝薇香小姐和艾丝黛拉坐在那间和平常一样点着蜡烛的屋子里。
“郝薇香小姐，”我说，“我必须告诉你，我没有像以前你让我那样高兴，我已经发现了是谁在资助我的学习。我现在明白了，我不会成为富翁或大人物，我不能告诉你更多，那不是我的秘密，而是别人的秘密。”我闭上了嘴，考虑下一步说什么。
“继续说，”郝薇香小姐感兴趣地看着我说。
“我想那是你，郝薇香小姐！你促使我犯了错误！”