The Ginger Man - J. P. Donleavy [34]
"My very good man, would you fill me up again."
"And certainly, Mr. Dangerfield."
Can I not be spared this misery. I thought I was over things like that. Well thank God 1 didn't walk through the Rock with it out. I need people to talk to. I have nobody to talk to. Go back is the only thing for it. Buy a head on the way.
He pushed through the broken, green door and wearily flung himself into the tattered chair. Marion in the kitchen, staring dumbly at her. Up on the wall behind her is the gas meter. I would like to point out that the meter is green, the penny slot is made of brass, and this meter measures my gas for me to cook my pitiful grub. I just can't stand any more.
Marion quavered at the door.
"I can't go on, Sebastian."
Sebastian looking up with interest.
"I really mean it. It's too much. You've been drinking."
"My dear Marion. I really mean it. It's too much. You've been drinking"
"I'm going to leave you."
"You're going to leave me."
"I mean that."
"O you mean it"
"Yes."
"Marion. I'm upset Now do you know what upset means? It means that I'm capable of doing anything. I'll kill you here and now unless I'm given some peace. I want peace. Now, Marion, you know what I want. Peace, God damn it"
"Don't shout at me. I'm not afraid of you."
"You're afraid of me, Marion. It's better that way. You'll keep away from my hands."
"You don't frighten me in the least. O you're so wretched."
"My dear Marion, you're upset O you're really upset Blinking your eyes. Now you lie down and I'll get you a tittle prussic acid to soothe your nerves."
"You'll regret every bit of this. How dare you say a thing like that? Staying out all night drinking, guttering. You've come to this house the last time drunk. Just how far can you go ? How low ? Tell me, how low ? "
"There was a man from Calcutta, who lived a life in the gutter."
"My child's name is ruined. How much you care for hen You were studying weren't you? You even had the gall to take the money I had saved behind the clock and you sit there with that horrid grin on your face telling me you're going to kill me. Well, try it. That's all I can say, try it. And there is one more thing I would like you to know. I've written to your father and I've told him everything. Every blessed thing you've done."
In the greasy chair, Sebastian, silent, still, his hands tightening on the arms. Looking at her and looking at her, a face blank with fear.
Sebastian speaking quietly, slowly.
"You've made a big mistake, Marion. A very big mistake."
"Don't"
"A big mistake, Marion. You're forcing decisions."
"Don't for God's sake go on like this. I can't bear it"
"You had absolutely no right Do you understand me? No right, I say."
"Stop it"
"What did you tell him?"
Marion, hands to face, weeping.
"I repeat, what did you tell him? Answer me."
"You're horrid. Horrid and hideous."
"What did you tell him, God damn it?"
"Everything."
"What?"
"I said everything."
"What, God damn it, did you tell him?"
"The truth. That we've been starving. That the baby has rickets. And because you're drinking every penny we get. And this house too and that you slapped and punched me when I was pregnant, threw me out of bed and pushed me down the stairs. That we're in debt, owe hundreds of pounds, the whole loathsome truth."
"You shouldn't have done that, Marion. Do you hear me?"
Marion, her voice pumping out in pauses.
"How can you say that. What do you want me to do? Go on like this forever? Until there is no hope. live on your dreams of becoming a great barrister when you never work and cheat on your exams. And you never intend to work. I know you don't, and spend your times in the slums. Out all night. I hate this house. I hate it all, Ireland, everything in it Leave me to cope with this wretched hole."
"Shut your damn mouth."
"I won't"
"Shut it."
"I won't."
He slowly reached out and took the shade off the lamp. He placed it on his little table.
"Are you going to shut up?"
"No."
He took the lamp by the neck and smashed it to pieces on the wall.
"Now shut up."
Marion quiet, wild eyed and tearful, watching the man in the rickety chair who held the end of the smashed lamp in his loose pink fingers. Sinister man. Staring at her and she couldn't get her feet to bring her out of the room, listening to his voice tearing at her.