The Ginger Man - J. P. Donleavy [124]
"I'll see. Take me away from this party, and take me home."
"Transgression. Been guilty of the transgression. You look lovelier than I've ever seen you before. And there's something I must tell Clocklan before we go. Pack up this champagne."
In the drawing room there were the punch bowls and tables laden with lobster. Pretty blonde worried about me. See her breasts right through that dress. MacDoon in a cluster of virgins, wand ready to bless, forgive or fertilize. And Clocklan with a nurse for sure again. Always with nurses. Always with blonde hair. His maid has black and I guess he thrives on variety. And over there are some elderly ones with diamonds on their chests in lieu of the other things. Sometimes have a yen to get one of them in the bed. Old age no object. Logs in the fire. I don't believe in Christmas. A fraud. I know it's a fraud. No one noticing me. Take care of that for sure.
Sebastian sucking in his breath and roaring.
"Christmas is a fraud."
Noise echoing away and smiles crossing the faces of MacDoon and Clocklan for they knew that this was honesty night for sure. Mary waiting inside the door of the library for the worst
"Christmas is a fraud. This room is filled with knaves and thieves. Jesus was a Celt and Judas was British."
There were grumbles shall I stop him, will we have him thrown out? Clocklan spoke up, if any man here so much as touches the fair hair of Dangerfield I will remove his jaw.
"Thank you, Percy. Now as you all know, Christmas is a fraud. Jesus was a mick and Judas a lime. I am king beast. A big muscular Yank. Hear that? I know you would all like to beat me up. O there are a lot of them would like to do that But tonight I was in the Lombard Street to get the feel of investment. Now I have it from good sources that some of you own pig sties and I must confess that the rearing of pigs to me is extremely distasteful except at the breakfast table when it is tasteful. But I know you people have bacon hidden in your attics and beef and hides in the cellar and the best of clarets and brandies. But I'm a man for bedlam. What about bedlam? Do you ever relish the broken dish or twisted chandelier? I'm taking my host's champagne home for the morning away from you horse lovers. Bye bye now. I know you have bacon in the attic and beef and hides in the cellar."
Clocklan roaring with laughter and a tall man, the host beaming with pleasure. O perhaps you can't beat these British after all, because they not only have it both ways but all ways. And there's no beating that ever. And Percy I have just to whisper in your ear.
"Come closer, Percy. Listen. One night I was walking behind a lovely young girl with long golden hair and my heart beating with desire. She turned around and I saw her face. She was an old toothless hag."
"Jesus, Sebastian, here's another fiver"
"Percy, I'll use it to buy meself a set of silk undergarments."
And as Dangerfield was coolly leaving the party, the butler came running after him bearing brandy and bacon. A bottle and a side. How can you beat them? bottle and a side. How can you beat "Mary, isn't this good of him?"
"You're a terrible man."
"They've left me holding the bag. Thank you."
"Not at all, sir. The master was charmed by your little speech."
"Eee."
"I have a taxi for you, sir. I liked that very much, about Judas being British. Ha, it's very good. Merry fraud, sir."
"O. Aye."
"You're a terrible man, Sebastian"
"Merry fraud."
Entering the taxi. And standing at the door, MacDoon next to Clocklan. MacDoon eating an eclair. Clocklan's hand engages with a haunch of nurse. His other with a cigar. And from the windows I see some of the elderly and the face of that blonde American girl. I think she must be crying. Are they all weeping in there? O taxi man, away, away, away like a devil shooting between the stars. And don't be making stops for traffic either.
Mary you're beside me now. And I want to ride on the train to Dublin, along the cliffs and through the tunnels to Bray. When it's raining. You've got tiny ears. And I'll take you to live in a house out Tooting Bee way with Clocklan's quids near by for quick reference. I'll buy a little mower to take outside to the lawn and give it a fast trim every Friday. not much of a lawn because I don't want to overdo this exercise. Ten by ten. We'll have a small sitting room with plants one of which will be a rubber plant And during tea on gray afternoons I want you to read me stories of adventure.