Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh [99]
'A cinema actor's dream,' I said.
'Cinema actors,' said my wife; 'that's what I want to talk about.'
She came with me to my dressing-room and talked while I changed. It had occurred to her that, with my interest in architecture, my true métier was designing scenery for the films, and she had asked two Hollywood magnates to the party with whom she wished to ingratiate me.
We returned to the sitting-room.
'Darling, I believe you've taken against my bird. Don't be beastly about it in front of the purser. It was sweet of him to think of it. Besides, you know, if you had read about it in the description of a sixteenth-century banquet in Venice, you would have said those were the days to live.'
'In sixteenth-century Venice it would have been a somewhat different shape.'
'Here is Father Christmas. We were just in raptures over your swan.'
The chief purser came into the room and shook hands, powerfully.
'Dear Lady Celia,' he said, 'if you'll put on your warmest clothes and come on an expedition into the cold storage with me tomorrow, I can show you a whole Noah's Ark of such objects. The toast will be along in a minute. They're keeping it hot.'
'Toast!' said my wife, as though this was something beyond the dreams of gluttony. 'Do you hear that Charles? Toast.'
Soon the guests began to arrive; there was nothing to delay them. 'Celia,' they said, 'what a grand cabin and what a beautiful swan!' and, for all that it was one of the largest in the ship, our room was soon painfully crowded; they began to put out their cigarettes in the little pool of ice-water which now surrounded the swan.
The purser made a sensation, as sailors like to do, by predicting a storm. 'How can you be so beastly?' asked my wife, conveying the flattering suggestion that not only the cabin and the caviar, but the waves, too, were at his command. 'Anyway, storms don't affect a ship like this, do they?'
'Might hold us back a bit.'
'But it wouldn't make us sick?'
'Depends if you're a good sailor. I'm always sick in storms, ever since I was a boy.'
'I don't believe it. He's just being sadistic. Come over here, there's something I want to show you.'
It was the latest photograph of her children. 'Charles hasn't even seen Caroline yet. Isn't it thrilling for him?'
There were no friends of mine there, but I knew about a third of the party, and talked away civilly enough. An elderly woman said to me, 'So you're Charles. I feel I know you through and through, Celia's talked so much about you.'
'Through and through,' I thought. 'Through and through is a long way, madam. Can you indeed see into those dark places where my own eyes seek in vain to guide me? Can you tell me, dear Mrs Stuyvesant Oglander—if I am correct in thinking that is how I heard my wife speak of you—why it is that at this moment, while I talk to you, here, about my forthcoming exhibition, I am thinking all the time only of when Julia will come? Why can I talk like this to you, but not to her? Why have I already set her apart from humankind, and myself with her? What is going on in those secret places of my spirit with which you make so free? What is cooking, Mrs Stuyvesant Oglander?'
Still Julia did not come, and the noise of twenty people in that tiny room, which was so large that no one hired it, was the noise of a multitude.
Then I saw a curious thing. There was a little red-headed man whom no one seemed to know, a dowdy fellow quite unlike the general run of my wife's guests; he had been standing by the caviar for twenty minutes eating as fast as a rabbit. Now he wiped his mouth with his handkerchief and, on the impulse apparently, leaned forward and dabbed the beak of the swan, removing the drop of water that had been swelling there and would soon have fallen. Then he looked round furtively to see if he had been observed, caught my eye, and giggled nervously.
'Been wanting to do that for a long time,' he said. 'Bet you don't know how many drops to the minute. I do, I counted.'
'I've no idea.'
'Guess. Tanner if you're wrong; half a dollar if you're right. That's fair.'