Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh [100]
'Three,' I said.
'Coo, you're a sharp one. Been counting 'em yourself.' But he showed no inclination to pay this debt. Instead he said: 'How d'you figure this out. I'm an Englishman born and bred, but this is my first time on the Atlantic.'
'You flew out perhaps?'
'No, nor over it.'
'Then I presume you went round the world and came across the Pacific.'
'You are a sharp one and no mistake. I've made quite a bit getting into arguments over that one.'
'What was your route?' I asked, wishing to be agreeable.
'Ah, that'd be telling. Well, I must skedaddle. So long.'
'Charles, said my wife, 'this is Mr Kramm, of Interastral Films.'
'So you are Mr Charles Ryder,' said Mr Kramm.
'Yes.'
'Well, well., well,' he paused. I waited. 'The purser here says we're heading for dirty weather. What d'you know about that?'
'Far less than the purser.'
'Pardon me, Mr Ryder, I don't quite get you.'
'I mean I know less than the purser.'
'Is that so? Well, well, well. I've enjoyed our talk very much. I hope that it will be the first of many.'
An Englishwoman said: 'Oh, that swan! Six weeks in America has given me an absolute phobia of ice. Do tell me, how did it feel meeting Celia again after two years? I know I should feel indecently bridal. But Celia's never quite got the orange blossom out of her hair, has she?'
Another woman said: 'Isn't it heaven saying good-bye and knowing we shall meet again in half an hour and go on meeting every half-hour for days?'
Our guests began to go, and each on leaving informed me of something my wife had promised to bring me to in the near future; it was the theme of the evening that we should all be seeing a lot of each other, that we had formed one of those molecular systems that physicists can illustrate. At last the swan was wheeled out, too, and I said to my wife, 'Julia never came.'
'No, she telephoned. I couldn't hear what she said, there was such a noise going on—something about a dress. Quite lucky really, there wasn't room for a cat. It was a lovely party, wasn't it? Did you hate it very much? You behaved beautifully and looked so distinguished. Who was your red-haired chum?'
'No chum of mine.'
'How very peculiar! Did you say anything to Mr Kramm about working in Hollywood?'
'Of course not.'
'Oh, Charles, you are a worry to me. It's not enough just stand about looking distinguished and a martyr for Art. Let's go to dinner. We're at the. Captain's table. I don't suppose he'll dine down tonight, but it's polite to be fairly punctual.'
By the time that we reached the table the rest of the party had arranged themselves. On either side of the Captain's empty chair sat Julia and Mrs Stuyvesant Oglander; besides them there was an English diplomat and his wife, Senator Stuyvesant Oglander, and an American clergyman at present totally isolated between two pairs of empty chairs. This clergyman later described himself—redundantly it seemed—as an Episcopalian Bishop. Husbands and wives sat together here. My wife was confronted with a quick decision, and although the steward attempted to direct us otherwise, sat so that she had the senator and I the Bishop. Julia gave us both a little dismal signal of sympathy.
'I'm miserable about the party,' she said, 'my beastly maid totally disappeared with every dress I have. She only turned up half an hour ago. She'd been playing ping-pong.'
'I've been telling the Senator what he missed,' said Mrs Stuyvesant Oglander.
'Wherever Celia is, you'll find she knows all the significant people.'
'On my right,' said the Bishop, 'a significant couple are expected. They take all their meals in their cabin except when they have been informed in advance that the Captain will be present.'
We were a gruesome circle; even my wife's high social spirit faltered. At moments I heard bits of her conversation.
'...an extraordinary little red-haired man. Captain Foulenough in person.'
'But I understood you to say, Lady Celia, that you were unacquainted with him.'
'I meant he was like Captain Foulenough.'
'I begin to comprehend. He impersonated this friend of yours in order to come to your party.'