06-04-苔丝 [56]
his face was like an old man's．He made uncertain movements，because everything in his head was vague and uncertain．He could not make himself think clearly．
‘Tess！Can I believe this？Are you mad perhaps？My wife， my Tess—you aren't mad，are you？’
‘I am not，’she said．
‘And yet，’he said，looking strangely at her，‘why didn't you tell me before？Oh yes，you would have told me，in a way，but I stopped you，I remember！’
He was talking but could not think at the same time． His brain seemed to have stopped working．He turned away from her．Tess followed him and stood there staring at him with dry eyes．Then she went down on her knees beside him．
‘In the name of our love，forgive me！she whispered with a 168 dry mouth．‘I have forgiven you for the same！’
And as he did not answer，she said again，
‘Forgive me as you are forgiven！I forgive you，Angel！’
‘You—yes，you do．’
‘But you do not forgive me？’
‘Oh，Tess，it's not a question of forgiveness！You were one person，now you are another．How can forgiveness put that right？’
He paused，considering this．Then suddenly he started laughing in an unnatural，horrible way．It was like a laugh out of hell．
‘Don't—don't！’she cried，her face dead white．‘It kills me，that laugh！Angel，do you know what you're doing to me？I've been hoping，longing，praying to make you happy！’
‘I know that．’
‘I thought，Angel，that you loved me—me，my very self！’ If you do love me，how can you treat me like this？It frightens me！Having begun to love you，I will love you for ever，in all changes，in all troubles，because you are yourself．I ask no more．Then how can you，my husband，stop loving me？’
‘I repeat，the woman I have been loving is not you．’
‘But who is she？’
‘Another woman in your shape．’
Suddenly she realized how he saw her．For him she was a guilty woman pretending to be an innocent one．There was terror in her white face as she saw this．She could not stand， and he stepped forward，thinking she might fall．
‘Sit down，’he said gently．‘You are ill，and I am not surprised．’
She sat down，her face still full of fear and her eyes wild．
‘I don't belong to you any more then，do I，Angel？’she asked helplessly．And at last the tears came．Clare watched her sobbing，and waited until the first violence of her emotion had passed．
‘Angel，’she said suddenly in a normal voice，‘am I too wicked for us to live together？’
‘I haven't had time to think what we should do．’
‘I won't ask you to let me live with you，Angel，because I have no right to！I won't write to tell my family we are married，as I said I would．’
‘Won't you？’
‘No，I won't do anything unless you order me to．And if you go away，I won't follow you．And if you never speak to me again，I won't ask why，unless you tell me I can．’
‘And if I order you to do anything？’
‘I'll obey you，even if I have to lie down and die．’
‘How good of you．But it seems you have changed．In the past you were keen to look after yourself．Now you are keen to sacrifice yourself．’
Clare's bitter words，however，were not fully understood by Tess．She only knew that he was angry with her．She stood silent，not knowing that he was struggling with his love for her She did not observe a large tear rolling slowly down his cheek He was realizing what a change Tess's confession had made to his whole life．He had to decide on some action．
‘Tess，’he said，as gently as he could，‘I can't stay here just now．I'm going out．’
He quietly left the room．Two glasses of wine，ready for their supper，remained untouched on the table．Only two or three hours earlier they
‘Tess！Can I believe this？Are you mad perhaps？My wife， my Tess—you aren't mad，are you？’
‘I am not，’she said．
‘And yet，’he said，looking strangely at her，‘why didn't you tell me before？Oh yes，you would have told me，in a way，but I stopped you，I remember！’
He was talking but could not think at the same time． His brain seemed to have stopped working．He turned away from her．Tess followed him and stood there staring at him with dry eyes．Then she went down on her knees beside him．
‘In the name of our love，forgive me！she whispered with a 168 dry mouth．‘I have forgiven you for the same！’
And as he did not answer，she said again，
‘Forgive me as you are forgiven！I forgive you，Angel！’
‘You—yes，you do．’
‘But you do not forgive me？’
‘Oh，Tess，it's not a question of forgiveness！You were one person，now you are another．How can forgiveness put that right？’
He paused，considering this．Then suddenly he started laughing in an unnatural，horrible way．It was like a laugh out of hell．
‘Don't—don't！’she cried，her face dead white．‘It kills me，that laugh！Angel，do you know what you're doing to me？I've been hoping，longing，praying to make you happy！’
‘I know that．’
‘I thought，Angel，that you loved me—me，my very self！’ If you do love me，how can you treat me like this？It frightens me！Having begun to love you，I will love you for ever，in all changes，in all troubles，because you are yourself．I ask no more．Then how can you，my husband，stop loving me？’
‘I repeat，the woman I have been loving is not you．’
‘But who is she？’
‘Another woman in your shape．’
Suddenly she realized how he saw her．For him she was a guilty woman pretending to be an innocent one．There was terror in her white face as she saw this．She could not stand， and he stepped forward，thinking she might fall．
‘Sit down，’he said gently．‘You are ill，and I am not surprised．’
She sat down，her face still full of fear and her eyes wild．
‘I don't belong to you any more then，do I，Angel？’she asked helplessly．And at last the tears came．Clare watched her sobbing，and waited until the first violence of her emotion had passed．
‘Angel，’she said suddenly in a normal voice，‘am I too wicked for us to live together？’
‘I haven't had time to think what we should do．’
‘I won't ask you to let me live with you，Angel，because I have no right to！I won't write to tell my family we are married，as I said I would．’
‘Won't you？’
‘No，I won't do anything unless you order me to．And if you go away，I won't follow you．And if you never speak to me again，I won't ask why，unless you tell me I can．’
‘And if I order you to do anything？’
‘I'll obey you，even if I have to lie down and die．’
‘How good of you．But it seems you have changed．In the past you were keen to look after yourself．Now you are keen to sacrifice yourself．’
Clare's bitter words，however，were not fully understood by Tess．She only knew that he was angry with her．She stood silent，not knowing that he was struggling with his love for her She did not observe a large tear rolling slowly down his cheek He was realizing what a change Tess's confession had made to his whole life．He had to decide on some action．
‘Tess，’he said，as gently as he could，‘I can't stay here just now．I'm going out．’
He quietly left the room．Two glasses of wine，ready for their supper，remained untouched on the table．Only two or three hours earlier they