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06-04-苔丝 [50]

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fire,looking into it. They were simple innocent girls who had not been loved.It was wicked of her to take all the love without paying for it. She would pay:she would tell,there and then.
  Angel was sitting beside her,holding her hand.Their faces were red in the firelight.
  ‘This morning,’he said suddenly,‘ we said we would both confess our mistakes.I must tell you something and you must forgive me.Perhaps I ought to have told you before.I've put off telling you,because I didn't want to lose you.’
  ‘Angel,I'm sure I'll forgive you…A wild hope was making Tess's heart beat faster.
  ‘Well,wait a minute.You know how much I believe in goodness and purity But I myself,when I was in London years ago,did wrong with a woman I hardly knew.It lasted two days.I came home and I have never done anything like it since.Do you forgive me?’
  ‘Oh Angel,of course I do!And I am almost glad,because now you can forgive me!I have a confession too.’
  ‘Ah yes,well confess,you wicked little girl!It can hardly be more serious than mine.’
  ‘It can't,no,it can't!’She jumped up joyfully at the hope.
  ‘No,in fact,it is just the same.I will tell you now.’
  She sat down again.They held hands.The fire burned like a Judgement Day fire.Her shadow rose high on the wall. Putting her head against his,she bravely told the whole story of her meeting with Alec d’Urberville and its results.


■ 13
  克莱尔没有因为苔丝的拒绝而感到沮丧,他相信她最终会接受他的。过了几天,他再度向她问起此事。
  “苔丝,为什么你这么肯定地对我说‘不行’?”
  “我不够好。”
  “不够一位体面的小姐的标准?”
  “是的。你的家庭是不会尊敬我的。”
  “你知道,你这么说不对。我的父亲和母亲会尊敬你的,我不在乎我哥哥的看法。”他抱住她,防止她逃开。“你不是当真的,是不是?除非我知道有一天你将属于我,否则我无法工作,无法看书,无法放松或做任何别的事情!苔丝,说你会是我的!”
  她只是不断地摇头,看着别处。
  “那么,我不应该抱住你,不该这样跟你谈话?为什么,苔丝?”
  “我最亲爱的,这是为你好!我不能给予自己这莫大的幸福,答应你我将属于你——因为我确信我不应该!”
  “但是那样你会让我幸福的呀!”
  “啊,你这样认为,可是你并不知道实情啊!”
  这样一番挣扎之后,苔丝会跑到野外或房间里痛哭一场。
  她的心是如此紧密地和他连在一起,她怕她会屈服的。
  “为什么没有人告诉他关于我的事情?”她想,“那儿离这儿只有四十英里远,一定有人知道的!”但是没有人知道,也没有人告诉他。
  现在,苔丝的生活包含了两部分,实实在在的快乐和实实在在的痛苦。每当她和安吉尔单独在一起的时候,他都会再问她,而她又会拒绝他。她坚守着自己的承诺,但在内心深处,苔丝知道她终归会接受他的。爱情和自然都劝她去拥有他,而不要想得太复杂,趁着现在的热情享受快乐,而不要考虑将来的痛苦。
  “我知道我会答应的——我克制不了!”一天晚上睡觉时,她哭着对自己说,“可是,当他知道那件事情以后,那也许会要他的命的!唉,唉!”
  “我给你们大家带来了一些新闻。”星期天上午,当他们坐下吃早饭时,奶场主克里克说道,“还是关于杰克·多洛的事。”
  “那个黄油机里的情人?”安吉尔·克莱尔抬起他正在看报纸的眼睛,说道,“他遵守诺言跟那位年轻的挤奶女工结婚了吗?”
  “他没有,先生。”奶场主回答道,“他娶了一个比他大的女人
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