06-01-简·爱 [81]
morning， abandoned， my life dark，my soul thirsty．'
'I'm alive， and I'm not a dream，In fact，I'm an independent woman now I've inherited five thousand pounds from my uncle．'
'Ah， that sounds real！I couldn't dream that．But perhaps you have friends now， and don't want to spend much time in a lonely house with a blind man like me．'
'I can do what I like，and I intend to stay with you，unless you object．I'll be your neighbour， your nurse， your housekeeper， your companion． You will never be sad or lonely as long as I live．'
He did not reply immediately， and I was a little embarrassed by his silence．I had assumed he would still want me to be his wife， and wondered why he did not ask me．
'Jane， he said sadly，'you cannot always be my nurse．It's kind and generous of you， but you're young， and one day you will want to marry．If I could only see，I'd try to make you love me again， but…'And he sighed deeply．
I was very relieved to discover that was all he was worrying about，because I knew that his blindness made no difference at all to my love for him． However， I thought too much excitement was not good for him， so I talked of other things，and made him laugh a little．As we separated at bedtime，he asked me，'Just one thing， Jane． Were there only ladies in the house where you've been？'I laughed， and escaped upstairs，still laughing．'A good idea！'I thought．'A little jealousy will stop him feeling so sorry for himself！'
Next day I took him outside for a long walk in the fresh air．I described the beauty of the fields and sky to him， as we sat close together in the shade of a tree．
'Tell me， Jane， what happened to you when you so cruelly abandoned me？'he asked， holding me tightly in his arms．
And so I told him my story． Naturally he was interested in St John Rivers，my cousin．
'This St John，do you like him？'
'He's a very good man．I couldn't help liking him．'
'He's perhaps a man of fifty or so？'
'St John is only twenty－nine，sir．'
'Rather stupid，I think you said？Not at all intelligent？'
'He has an excellent brain，sir．'
'Did you say he was rather plain， ugly，in fact？'
'St John is a handsome man，tall and fair， with blue eyes．'
Mr Rochester frowned， and swore loudly．
'In fact， sir，'I continued，'he asked me to marry him．'
'Well，Jane， leave me and go．Oh，until now I with thought you would never love another man！ But go and marry Rivers！'
'I can never marry him，sir He doesn't love me， and I don't love him． He's good and great， but as cold as ice． You needn't be jealous， sir All my heart is yours．'
He kisseed me．'I'm no better than the great tree hit by lightning at Thornfierld，'he said．'I can't expect to have a fresh young plant like you by my side，all my life．'
'You are still strong， sir， and young plants need the strength and safety of a tree to support them．' 'Jane， will you marry me， a poor blind man with one hand，twenty years older than you？'
'Yes， sir．'
'My darling！We'll be married in three days'time，Jane．Thank God！You know I never thought much of religion？Well，lately I've begun to understand that God has been punishing me for my pride and my past wickedness．Last Monday night，in a mood of deep depression，I was sitting by an open window， praying for a little peace and happiness in my dark life．In my heart and soul I wanted you．I cried out “Jane！”three times．'
'Last Monday night，about midnight？'I asked，wondering．
'Yes， but that doesn't matter．This is what's really strange．I heard a voice calling “I'm coming，wait for me！”and“Where are you？”And then I heard an echo sent back by hills， but there's no echo here，in the middle of the wood．Jane， you must have been asleep． Your spirit
'I'm alive， and I'm not a dream，In fact，I'm an independent woman now I've inherited five thousand pounds from my uncle．'
'Ah， that sounds real！I couldn't dream that．But perhaps you have friends now， and don't want to spend much time in a lonely house with a blind man like me．'
'I can do what I like，and I intend to stay with you，unless you object．I'll be your neighbour， your nurse， your housekeeper， your companion． You will never be sad or lonely as long as I live．'
He did not reply immediately， and I was a little embarrassed by his silence．I had assumed he would still want me to be his wife， and wondered why he did not ask me．
'Jane， he said sadly，'you cannot always be my nurse．It's kind and generous of you， but you're young， and one day you will want to marry．If I could only see，I'd try to make you love me again， but…'And he sighed deeply．
I was very relieved to discover that was all he was worrying about，because I knew that his blindness made no difference at all to my love for him． However， I thought too much excitement was not good for him， so I talked of other things，and made him laugh a little．As we separated at bedtime，he asked me，'Just one thing， Jane． Were there only ladies in the house where you've been？'I laughed， and escaped upstairs，still laughing．'A good idea！'I thought．'A little jealousy will stop him feeling so sorry for himself！'
Next day I took him outside for a long walk in the fresh air．I described the beauty of the fields and sky to him， as we sat close together in the shade of a tree．
'Tell me， Jane， what happened to you when you so cruelly abandoned me？'he asked， holding me tightly in his arms．
And so I told him my story． Naturally he was interested in St John Rivers，my cousin．
'This St John，do you like him？'
'He's a very good man．I couldn't help liking him．'
'He's perhaps a man of fifty or so？'
'St John is only twenty－nine，sir．'
'Rather stupid，I think you said？Not at all intelligent？'
'He has an excellent brain，sir．'
'Did you say he was rather plain， ugly，in fact？'
'St John is a handsome man，tall and fair， with blue eyes．'
Mr Rochester frowned， and swore loudly．
'In fact， sir，'I continued，'he asked me to marry him．'
'Well，Jane， leave me and go．Oh，until now I with thought you would never love another man！ But go and marry Rivers！'
'I can never marry him，sir He doesn't love me， and I don't love him． He's good and great， but as cold as ice． You needn't be jealous， sir All my heart is yours．'
He kisseed me．'I'm no better than the great tree hit by lightning at Thornfierld，'he said．'I can't expect to have a fresh young plant like you by my side，all my life．'
'You are still strong， sir， and young plants need the strength and safety of a tree to support them．' 'Jane， will you marry me， a poor blind man with one hand，twenty years older than you？'
'Yes， sir．'
'My darling！We'll be married in three days'time，Jane．Thank God！You know I never thought much of religion？Well，lately I've begun to understand that God has been punishing me for my pride and my past wickedness．Last Monday night，in a mood of deep depression，I was sitting by an open window， praying for a little peace and happiness in my dark life．In my heart and soul I wanted you．I cried out “Jane！”three times．'
'Last Monday night，about midnight？'I asked，wondering．
'Yes， but that doesn't matter．This is what's really strange．I heard a voice calling “I'm coming，wait for me！”and“Where are you？”And then I heard an echo sent back by hills， but there's no echo here，in the middle of the wood．Jane， you must have been asleep． Your spirit