Wide Sargasso Sea - Jean Rhys [46]
‘That doctor an old-time doctor. These new ones I don’t like them. First word in their mouth is police. Police – that’s something I don’t like.’
‘I’m sure you don’t,’ I said. ‘But you haven’t told me yet what happened when my wife was with you. Or exactly what you did?’
‘Your wife!’ she said. ‘You make me laugh. I don’t know all you did but I know some. Everybody know that you marry her for her money and you take it all. And then you want to break her up, because you jealous of her. She is more better than you, she have better blood in her and she don’t care for money – it’s nothing for her. Oh I see that first time I look at you. You young but already you hard. You fool the girl. You make her think you can’t see the sun for looking at her.’
It was like that, I thought. It was like that. But better to say nothing. Then surely they’ll both go and it will be my turn to sleep – a long deep sleep, mine will be, and very far away.
‘And then,’ she went on in her judge’s voice, ‘you make love to her till she drunk with it, no rum could make her drunk like that, till she can’t do without it. It’s she can’t see the sun any more. Only you she see. But all you want is to break her up.’
(Not the way you mean, I thought)
‘But she hold out eh? She hold out.’
(Yes, she held out. A pity)
‘So you pretend to believe all the lies that damn bastard tell you.’
(That damn bastard tell you)
Now every word she said was echoed, echoed loudly in my head.
‘So that you can leave her alone.’
(Leave her alone)
‘Not telling her why.’
(Why?)
‘No more love, eh?’
(No more love)
‘And that,’ I said coldly, ‘is where you took charge, isn’t it? You tried to poison me.’
‘Poison you? But look me trouble, the man crazy! She come to me and ask me for something to make you love her again and tell her no I don’t meddle in that for béké. I tell her it’s foolishness.’
(Foolishness foolishness)
‘And even if it’s no foolishness, it’s too strong for béké.’
(Too strong for béké. Too strong)
‘But she cry and she beg me.’
(She cry and she beg me)
‘So I give her something for love.’
(For love)
‘But you don’t love. All you want is to break her up. And it help you break her up.’
(Break her up)
‘She tell me in the middle of all this you start calling her names. Marionette. Some word so.’
‘Yes. I remember, I did.’
(Marionette, Antoinette, Marionetta, Antoinetta)
‘That word mean doll, eh? Because she don’t speak. You want to force her to cry and speak.’
(Force her to cry and speak)
‘Bur she won’t. So you think up something else. You bring out that worthless girl to play with next door and you talk and laugh and love so that she hear everything. You meant her to hear.’
Yes, that didn’t just happen. I meant it.
(I lay awake all night long after they were asleep, and as soon as it was light I got up and dressed and saddled Preston. And I came to you. Oh Christophine. O Pheena, Pheena, help me.)
‘You haven’t yet told me exactly what you did with my – with Antoinette.’
‘Yes I tell you. I make her sleep.’
‘What? All the time?’
‘No, no. I wake her up to sit in the sun, bathe in the cool river. Even if she dropping with sleep. I make good strong soup. I give her milk if I have it, fruit I pick from my own trees. If she don’t want to eat I say, “Eat it up for my sake, doudou.” And she eat it up, then she sleep again.’
‘And why did you do all this?’
There was a long silence. Then she said,