The Valley of Bones - Anthony Powell [89]
‘Do you know, Nick,’ said Gwatkin, ‘although the Company used to mean everything to me, it’s leaving the Battalion that’s the real blow. Of course there will be up-to-date training at the ITC, opportunity to get to know the latest weapons and tactics thoroughly, not just rush through them and instruct, as we have to here.’
I did not know what to say to that, but Gwatkin was just getting it off his chest. He did not require answers.
‘Idwal is pretty pleased with himself now,’ he said. ‘Let him see what it’s like to be skipper. Perhaps it isn’t as easy as he thinks.’
‘Idwal certainly enjoys the idea of being a company commander.’
‘Then there’s Maureen,’ Gwatkin said. ‘This means leaving her. That was what I wanted to talk to you about.’
I had supposed that to be the reason for our coming to the park.
‘You’ll at least have time to say goodbye to her.’
That did not sound much consolation. It seemed to me he was well rid of Maureen, if she really was disturbing him to the extent that it appeared; but being judicious about other people’s love affairs is easy, often merely a sign one has not understood their force or complexity.
‘I’m going to try and get down there tomorrow,’ he said, ‘take her out for the evening.’
‘Have you been seeing much of her?’
‘Quite a bit.’
‘It’s bad luck.’
‘I know I’ve made a bloody fool of myself,’ Gwatkin said, ‘but I don’t know that I’d do different if I started again. Anyway, it isn’t quite over.’
‘What isn’t?’
‘Maureen.’
‘In what way?’
‘Nick—’
‘Yes?’
‘She’s pretty well said – you know—’
‘She has?’
‘I believe if I can manage to see her tomorrow – but I don’t want to talk about it. She can’t make up her mind, you see. I understand that.’
I thought of Dicky Umfraville’s comment: ‘Not tonight, darling, I don’t love you enough – not tonight, darling, I love you too much …’ It sounded as if Gwatkin had had his share of such reservations. As we walked, his mind continually jumped from one aspect of his vexations to another.
‘If I’m at the ITC and there’s an invasion,’ he said, ‘I’ll at least be nearer the scene of action than here. I don’t think the Germans will try this country, do you? There’d be no difficulty in landing here, but it would mean mounting another operation after their arrival.’
‘Hardly worth it, I’d have thought.’
‘Idwal didn’t take long to get hold of the idea he was to command the Company.’
‘He certainly did not.’
‘Do you remember my saying what we call good manners are just a form of weakness?’
‘Very well.’
‘I suppose if that’s true, Idwal was right to speak as he did.’
‘There’s a lot to be said for going straight to the point.’
‘But that’s what I’ve always tried to do since I’ve been in the army,’ Gwatkin said. ‘It doesn’t seem to have worked in my case. Here I am being sent back to the ITC as a dud. It’s not because I haven’t been keen, or slacked in any way – except I know I forgot about those bloody codewords – and other people make balls-ups too.’
He spoke without self-pity, just lack of understanding; deep desire to know the answer why, so far as he was concerned, things had gone so wrong. It would be no good attempting to explain. I was not even sure I knew the explanation myself. All Gwatkin said was true. He had worked hard. In many respects he was a good officer, so far as he went. He was even conscious of such moral aspects of military life as the fact that the army is a world of the will, accordingly, if the will is weak, the army is weak. I could see, however, that one of the fallacies that made him so vulnerable was the supposition that manners, good or bad, had anything to do with the will as such.
‘I loved commanding the Company,