The Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck [167]
“Pa,’’ she said, “we ain’t gonna have much. We et so late.’’
Pa and Uncle John stuck close to the camp, watching Ma peeling potatoes and slicing them raw into a frying pan of deep grease. Pa said, “Now what the hell made the preacher do that?’’
Ruthie and Winfield crept close and crouched down to hear the talk.
Uncle John scratched the earth deeply with a long rusty nail. “He knowed about sin. I ast him about sin, an’ he tol’ me; but I don’ know if he’s right. He says a fella’s sinned if he thinks he’s sinned.’’ Uncle John’s eyes were tired and sad. “I been secret all my days,’’ he said. “I done things I never tol’ about.’’
Ma turned from the fire. “Don’ go tellin’, John,’’ she said. “Tell ’em to God. Don’ go burdenin’ other people with your sins. That ain’t decent.’’
“They’re a-eatin’ on me,’’ said John.
“Well, don’ tell ’em. Go down the river an’ stick your head under an’ whisper ’em in the stream.’’
Pa nodded his head slowly at Ma’s words. “She’s right,’’ he said. “It gives a fella relief to tell, but it jus’ spreads out his sin.’’
Uncle John looked up to the sun-gold mountains, and the mountains were reflected in his eyes. “I wisht I could run it down,’’ he said. “But I can’t. She’s a-bitin’ in my guts.’’
Behind him Rose of Sharon moved dizzily out of the tent. “Where’s Connie?’’ she asked irritably. “I ain’t seen Connie for a long time. Where’d he go?’’
“I ain’t seen him,’’ said Ma. “If I see ’im, I’ll tell ’im you want ’im.’’
“I ain’t feelin’ good,’’ said Rose of Sharon. “Connie shouldn’ of left me.’’
Ma looked up to the girl’s swollen face. “You been a-cryin’,’’ she said.
The tears started freshly in Rose of Sharon’s eyes.
Ma went on firmly, “You git aholt on yaself. They’s a lot of us here. You git aholt on yaself. Come here now an’ peel some potatoes. You’re feelin’ sorry for yaself.’’
The girl started to go back in the tent. She tried to avoid Ma’s stern eyes, but they compelled her and she came slowly toward the fire. “He shouldn’ of went away,’’ she said, but the tears were gone.
“You got to work,’’ Ma said. “Set in the tent an’ you’ll get feelin’ sorry about yaself. I ain’t had time to take you in han’. I will now. You take this here knife an’ get to them potatoes.’’
The girl knelt down and obeyed. She said fiercely, “Wait’ll I see ’im. I’ll tell ’im.’’
Ma smiled slowly. “He might smack you. You got it comin’ with whinin’ aroun’ an’ candyin’ yaself. If he smacks some sense in you I’ll bless ’im.’’ The girl’s eyes blazed with resentment, but she was silent.
Uncle John pushed his rusty nail deep into the ground with his broad thumb. “I got to tell,’’ he said.
Pa said, “Well, tell then, goddamn it! Who’d ya kill?’’
Uncle John dug with his thumb into the watch pocket of his blue jeans and scooped out a folded dirty bill. He spread it out and showed it. “Fi’ dollars,’’ he said.
“Steal her?’’ Pa asked.
“No, I had her. Kept her out.’’
“She was yourn, wasn’t she?’’
“Yeah, but I didn’t have no right to keep her out.’’
“I don’t see much sin in that,’’ Ma said. “It’s yourn.’’
Uncle John said slowly, “It ain’t only the keepin’ her out. I kep’ her out to get drunk. I knowed they was gonna come a time when I got to get drunk, when I’d get to hurtin’ inside so I got to get drunk. Figgered time wasn’ yet, an’ then—the preacher went an’ give ’imself up to save Tom.’’
Pa nodded his head up and down and cocked his head to hear. Ruthie moved closer, like a puppy, crawling on her elbows, and Winfield followed her. Rose of Sharon dug at a deep eye in a potato with the point of her knife. The evening light deepened and became more blue.
Ma said, in a sharp matter-of-fact tone, “I don’ see why him savin’ Tom got to get you drunk.’’
John said sadly, “Can’t say her. I feel awful. He done her so easy. Jus’ stepped up there an’ says, ‘I done her.’ An’ they took ’im away. An’ I’m a-gonna get drunk.’’
Pa still nodded his head. “I don’t see why you got to tell,’’ he said. “If it was me, I’d jus’ go off an’ get drunk if I had to.’’
“Come a time when I could a did somepin an’ took the big sin off my soul,’’