The Golden Bowl - Henry James [93]
‘We’ve had, as it seems to me, such quite beautiful days together that I hope it won’t come to you too much as a shock when I ask if you think you could regard me with any satisfaction as a husband.’ As if he had known she wouldn’t, she of course couldn’t, at all gracefully and whether or no, reply with a rush, he had said a little more – quite as he had felt he must in thinking it out in advance. He had put the question on which there was no going back and which represented thereby the sacrifice of his vessels, and what he further said was to stand for the redoubled thrust of flame that would make combustion sure. ‘This isn’t sudden to me, and I’ve wondered at moments if you haven’t felt me coming to it. I’ve been coming ever since we left Fawns – I really started while we were there.’ He spoke slowly, giving her, as he desired, time to think; all the more that it was making her look at him steadily, and making her also, in a remarkable degree, look ‘well’ while she did so – a large and so far a happy consequence. She wasn’t at all events shocked – which he had glanced at but for a handsome humility – and he would give her as many minutes as she liked. ‘You mustn’t think I’m forgetting that I’m not young.’
‘Oh that isn’t so. It’s I who am old. You are young.’ This was what she had at first answered – and quite in the tone too of having taken her minutes. It hadn’t been wholly to the point, but it had been kind – which was what he most wanted. And she kept, for her next words, to kindness, kept to her clear lowered voice and unshrinking face. ‘To me too it thoroughly seems that these days have been beautiful. I shouldn’t be grateful to them if I couldn’t more or less have imagined their bringing us to this.’ She affected him somehow as if she had advanced a step to meet him and yet were at the same time standing still. It only meant, however, doubtless, that she was gravely and reasonably thinking – as he exactly desired to make her. If she would but think enough she would probably think to suit him. ‘It seems to me,’ she went on, ‘that it’s for you to be sure.’
‘Ah but I am sure,’ said Adam Verver. ‘On matters of importance I never speak when I’m not. So if you can yourself face such a union you needn