The Ginger Man - J. P. Donleavy [93]
"Lilly, I'm going to cook some sausages. Would you like some? I'll make a nice pot of tea for the both of us. Now won't that be nice ? Buck you up. Yes ? "
"I hate to be alive. I hate this country"
"Don't despair."
"You don't have to stay here and suffer with them wagging their tongues and they'll hear of it at home."
Sebastian walked out of the room. He put the black pan over the gas. Caught a corner of grease and melted it off on the edge. Sliding down and vanishing. Passed the knife through the connecting skin and the little sausage fell neatly, hissing in the fat. Don't know what to tell this Lilly. Could tell her that life is a matter of resistance. Been telling too many people that. I have an aesthetic. Tell Miss Frost to get one. Judge these little difficulties with it. My, look at that sausage swell. A spout of richness coming out of there that will drown the whole lot of us, aesthetics and all.
Sebastian left his pan and went to the bedroom. Miss Frost standing naked in front of the mirror and said O as he entered. Folding her arms over her breasts.
"Lilly, we know each other better than that0
"O."
"Get your toothbrush and I'll take you to London"
"I couldn't go. Everyone would know."
Sebastian went back to the kitchen. Shook the pan. Sausage shrinking and splitting, juice pumping out of its side. From now on it'll be eats for one. Must drink more tea for me nerves.
Miss Frost came into the morning room as he was biting off next to the last length of sausage. She was wearing her black skirt and gray sweater and little red hearts hanging from her ears. Heart of Jesus.
"Bread, Lilly?"
"Please."
"Butter?"
"Thank you."
"Tea?"
"Please."
"How many sugars, Lilly?"
"You think it's all cod."
"Very nearly."
"You don't know Ireland."
"I know Ireland, Lilly."
"O dear me. What am I going to do?.'
"Out there in the front hall, Lilly, is the most fantastic collection of fan mail in the world. People spend many pounds writing to me. Hiring detectives to trail me round Dublin city and environs. Posting children on corners to watch me. Lilly, you see talk is the least of it."
"But you won't work. Mrs. Dangerfield told me you were missing all your classes."
"That isn't the point. Do you know, Lilly, that I arrived in this country with the largest wardrobe ever seen on these shores? Now in the hands of Mr. Gleason, my broker. A fine man but he now has practically every material thing I have ever owned and even a few I didn't. Ownership to me means nothing. All I want now is peace. Just peace. Don't want to be watched and trailed. Don't care what they say. I owe this mess to two things. Firstly my father-in-law. A lovely old gentleman, an admiral in His Majesty's fleet. And I'm a naval man myself. Well, he put me in charge of the most fantastic kind of dreamboat. Two hundred and fifty quids. The quids, Lilly. Quids. Always watch the quids, Lilly. I don't say they mean everything, but watch them. And then the doctors. They got me. One after the other. They come in to you in the white coat with that thing for hearing hearts and they put it right over my wallet. I'll take just another little sup of tea."
Miss Frost passed the tea. Red rimmed around her eyes. Off to work. How small we make our worlds. Gather them in, tighten them up into little castles of fear. Must get out into the meadows. Miss Frost ought to go to the Gold Coast Get in on this ground nut scheme the good British are doing. Get what she wants for sure on that coast.
"Write to me Lilly, care of American Express, Haymarket All right?"
"I don't think we ought to write to one another."
"Cheer up."
Miss Frost carefully chewing her sausage. Sebastian reached over and pulled the little flowered blinds apart. There's the garden that's figured so prominently in my dreams. Everything wet. Rickety tool shed. I don't believe I've even had a look in there. Broker would collapse if I arrived with rakes and shovels. Explain I was finding gardening a bore. Out there. To put one's hand to the cold earth on a morning such as this would be a hardship. Too late now for seeds or sowing. Wind bending over the shrubs. Laurels make fine hedges. Across the garden I see the tops of windows and the electric light. How cold. Wonder if anyone ever tried to pawn a plant.