The Ginger Man - J. P. Donleavy [91]
With the light off and B.B.C. closed down for the night Tiny sounds outside. And warnings of gales in Malin, Rock-all, Shannon, Fastnet and Irish Sea. Rain beating against the window panes. Laurel leaves shaking crazily. And our green curtain swelling out and a light slicing the room. Out there on the water. I think it's my grave. The Isle of Man, Dalkey Sound and harbors of Bullock and Colimore, a hundred and twenty miles to Liverpool. Let us hold tight, Lilly. And give up this right and wrong. And you tell me, Mr. Dangerfield, if they ever hear of it and it's not as easy as that just to be forgiven because they make you confess it all and as soon as you let on to something they start asking questions was it alone and about marriage and did he? Between your legs, my child. And what other departures were there and did he do that too. Yes. He did. Lilly I will make all this suffering up to you. I am no cheap chicken myself. Corporation law and fixing treaties between nations should pull a lot of weight up there. I'll tell him, Mr. Jesus, I knew Lilly and if you knew Lilly as I know Lilly. Well. You wouldn't have minded having a bit yourself, now would you? Not at all. Jesus and I have been through a great deal together. And I tell you Lilly, he would roar with laughter and say, why my dear child you laid with the ginger man? Great. Don't worry about it. What's a piece of arse between friends so long's you both get a good chunk. Got a few of these self-centered people down there, efficient but finicky who don't get much themselves who try to put the lid on lads like Dangerfield. I know Dangerfield. His whole life. Oceans of integrity and puddles of dependability. By God, myself, as great a man as ever I did split from a rib or even make with the fishes on whatever day I made them. Like him up here with me. When you're dead Danger, They say you've never been beaten in chess, dominoes or croquet or for being right when the others say you're wrong. And to use one of Dangerfield's rather amusing phrases, I'm no cheap chicken meself.
So Lilly. There you are. Come to me now. For think of it, Friday we are sundered. When I reach out for your parting white hand. On the trumpeting boat leaving for sea. Will you stand by the gas tank and wave? When I rub my chest on yours. I'm sad. Dropping away body from body. I plead the please tonight. And any mortal sin you care to commit And do you remember the little white pan in the garage that you got one night when I came home from my overtime in the pubs and I said would you ever, Miss Frost, get it. Fill it with water and bring it to me. And I put my feet in it and you let me use your talc. And you helped dry. Me leaning a hanging head between my legs. Like they found me mornings slung over the chains in Trinity my hair touching the top of the grass. Lilly what a nice white scalp you have, not a sign of dandruff. When you held my feet In your hands. Miss Frost you're the kindest person I know. I held you by the shoulders. That's why I do this. Because I like you. And take off your green pajama top. Just after you enjoy it, you begin to cry. Let me take your nipple. Nor am I nutty like Kenneth, but needy nevertheless. This string quartered around your waist Pull it below your navel which is a deep one. May I button up your belly, Lilly? Did you know I have a degree? In navels. Did graduate work.'Published papers. Lot of things I've done. Is there a tide of flesh rising? Why Miss Frost, you're giggling. Whatever for? You think it's funny after all? Is fucked and finished. Or because I said God was on my side or splitting his sides up there over this tender little scene. Or are you watching as if you were an eye in the ceiling? What's happening on the sheets. Catch as catch can. Don't turn away till I'm finished with your mouth. Just this last time. Sins are sticking out everywhere. Tempt me, Lilly. And is this you? And your voice in my ear. Taking an oath and can't you wait till we're finished. Lilly, you can let me. No I can't let you. On this last night I want you to but I can't let you. Now. now. I'm going to miss you and making love to me. Nothing to do but sow me ould seed Lilly. Sell my seed Lilly. In the shop. They planted the mother of the Lord and they say it didn't have anything to do with the flesh. But Lilly you turn your back to me. On this last night telling me this is what you will let me do, for I did it once before and a few times since. They learn all sorts of things on the farm watching the animals. But won't it hurt or pain? I may pretend, but I'm shocked, but on the other hand I can't help laughing at the whole silly setup. Offered me your arse. I'm touched, too. Somehow. Like July Fourth at that party in the Phoenix Park. Soft sunny summer day with people driving up in shining cars in dresses and jewels. I almost tiptoed to the door half hoping to sneak in and then they took my little card from me and read out Sebastian Balfe Danger-field and I almost asked the man not so loud please. I faced one smile after another. I'm a little short on fellowship but I put a little squeeze into each handshake. Filet of sole. On the tables were eats the like of which I'm sure have never been seen on this isle. I shot over to one of the tables. Champagne. sir? How can they be so kind? Where can so much drink come from? Mushroom eclairs. I never said a word to anyone. Marion talking with the Earl of Kilcool I looked a little rough shod to be mingling. After about an hour or so, however. I think I had something to say. Marines were called and someone whispering see that man is taken out at once. I was just going to scream for God's sake don't take me away from all this booze. An elderly gentleman said something as they appreached me. And I was left Later during someone's aria I crawled under the tables untying shoelaces and, I'm afraid, looking up dresses. Next day I think I read in the Evening Mail something about the Minister being raised to the status of an Ambassador. One thing begets another. On the one hand. And then on the other. On these white sheets tangling white bodies. Turning from me Lilly as I bump these mounds. And the cool pressure. It's as they say, tight circle with nothing beyond. And my arms around your neck. Riding you. Brown for lust or bronco. I'm throwing my heart down your throat and you tear and tell me tender hearted Lilly. And the pain of it up and down my legs. And even though you are just passing the time away, say lying on your side, twisting a shoulder to get the blanket up and keep out the cold, think of me. If you look up the Liffey under a low sky in setting sun you're in heaven. My dreams of collecting the ha'pennies on the metal bridge. Miss Frost Pure as the driven snow. White as the North Pole. And buttocks a trifle soft. And why, Lilly, did you want me to do it this way? I've tried to be a member of Christian society, for I am a Calvinist at heart, with one or two reservations of course. And I've been a bit puritanical watching out for the improperly dressed and those coarse of accent, for what else is there if one doesn't keep one's place. And we're all within a stone's throw of heaven. O happy humping ground. And even the day I took a look around the Municipal Museum of Modern Art saying to myself by jove this is a jolly good show. Yes, suggestive pictures. With the things there that are displayed in flesh tint. Is this to confound conception, Lilly? And done by all the farm folk. In zoos too. I love the Zoological Museum. Learned all about the Irish Elk with it standing just in the entrance way with antlers from one wall to the other. And stuffed fish and birds around Ireland. And an Irish Wolfhound nicely stuffed too. And upstairs a whale hanging in the middle of the room with a balcony all round where they have this thing evolution displayed with the bugs getting bigger and bigger. I prefer to feel that Big Chief up there started us with Adam and Eve.