The Ginger Man - J. P. Donleavy [78]
I'll get it"
"And I hope you do. But if you get put down without it, don't be bitter, Kenneth. Those things are for a reason. Saints and things. You're a man equipped for old age. Don't waste your time on this sexual appetite. I think we are natural aristocrats of the race. Come before our time. Born to be abused by them out there with the eyes and the mouths. But the likes of me, Kenneth, get it rectally from all manner of men. The professional classes take exception and it is among this class that I would take up my place but they want to make mock of me and drive me out, rip my privates away and put them on a public pole with a sign, Dangerfield is dead. That's what they want to hear. But there's no bitterness in me. Only love. I want to show them the way and I expect only taunts and jeers. But there are the few who listen. Worth it all. I put this to you, Kenneth. Go back. Go back to this church of yours. Put down these things of making money and living in a fine big house with nice comfortable chairs and an Irish maid putting logs on the fire and bringing in the tea. Get these tweed suitings out of your mind and trousers lined with satin and put down the desires of the flesh, nipple nuttiness, nate needy, boob bothered. You don't want an M.G. and a manservant, shallowness and deceit, or lawns to the lake and garden sets where one sits thinking of more money. All I want out of this life, Kenneth, is my rightful place and for others to keep theirs. The common people back down where they belong. And if it's not too much to ask, Kenneth, how do I pass these exams?"
"Study."
"My mind's a blank."
"What the hell is the matter with you?"
"Kenneth, I'm beaten. I'll never pass. I must dine with my tutor but I can't appear wearing these frightful rags and with hunger written around the eyes."
"God damn it, in spite of everything, I love this country"
"Why Kenneth, are you off your jump completely?"
"I love it"
Dangerfield's face the color of gold, eyes, bright fires. O'Keefe hoisted himself on a stool, his pack hanging between his legs. Sebastian pouring out the brandy.
"It's good to have someone to talk to, Kenneth. I've been a bit on my own lately."
"This country can be so damn exasperating but just to be in Dublin sort of gets me all excited. I tingle in all my bones. And with nothing but four pence for a cup of coffee in Bewley's. I used to lie awake at night memorizing new French words and dreaming about coming back. If I could open up a restaurant with the money saved from this job. I'd be set."
"All you would need would be some chairs, tables, forks and lots of rancid grease."
"Yeah."
"Be very fashionable."
Dangerfield pointing east with a nervous finger.
"I'm going over there, Kenneth. Across the Irish Sea and there will be a bit of the good life. I've got plans. If one stays in the land of the crut too long it gets a bit tight around the various glands. Sun and the dance. And perhaps the song."
"Well have your song and dance, I've got to go. So long."
"Don't"
"So long."
O'Keefe turned and pushed through the door. Dangerfield counting the swinging of the hinges.
I'm a friend of all kinds. And animals too so long as they don't get rough. Some of them have to be put in the cages but o aye, they deserved it Everything is always fair and square, anyhow. Part of the rules. Heavy breasted Mary and your foul father. Chasing you around the house, you in your nightdress, he with a broom. One doesn't know what goes on in these suburban houses. Must watch for these incestuents. I have a friend in Miss Frost and Mary has faith. Must read this little note.
Dear Sebastian,
I hope this finds you all right Please write to me and tell me. Please try to arrange to see me because I'm very lonely, and worried because my father is suspicious and threatening to write to the bank. Tell me what day I should leave for London and where I should meet you. The boys have gone to Cavan to stay on my uncle's farm.
Please think of me and write to me. I want to see you so much, and want to be in bed with you. Write, please.