The Ginger Man - J. P. Donleavy [75]
19
They had come to Woolworth's Cafe for breakfast Sun was out Sitting, facing one another across the white table. Bacon and eggs, tea, bread and butter. Yummy.
"Kenneth, let me hear about your travels"
"Dull"
"Did you go to a professional in Paris ?"
"No. Lost my nerve at the last minute."
"I take it then— ?"
"That I didn't have a smell"
"Quite. It's a pity, Kenneth. Something will have to be done for you. An arrangement made. Bring you to the Congo or something. How would you like a Rgmy?"
"Where's this seven quid?"
"Be all right, now. Don't worry about a thing. Taken care of. Just tell me, what else happened?"
"Nothing. I got nothing. Just nothing. Wrestling in the dark with this student and I gave that up because it wasn't getting me anywhere and was driving me crazy. The only thing that kept me from going completely around the bend was this fantastic correspondence with lady Eclair."
O'Keefe quickly slitting the soft tissued white of egg. Wiping up fat with a piece of bread. They could see from this window down into the early morning stirrings of Dublin.
"It was really fantastic. I told you about the ad for a chef. I write and get this reply written in the third person, Lady Eclair would like to know if Kenneth O'Keefe is Protestant or Catholic. I wrote back that Kenneth O'Keefe is neither and will not require to be delivered to Church on Sundays. She writes back, Lady Eclair feels that Kenneth O'Keefe should have some religion because everyone needs a church for the development of their immortal soul. So I said that Kenneth O'Keefe's immortal soul is already developed there- fore did not find churches useful. Next letter she says Lady Eclair would like to quote from Proverbs, 'Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuseth instruction but he that re-gardeth reproof shall be honoured.' I answered that Kenneth O'Keefe has already suffered much poverty and shame while a member of the Church of Rome and that 'The simple believeth every word; but the prudent man looketh well to his going.'"
"And you're hired?"
"So far. This religion business will present a problem. I'm suspicious about people interested in saving other people's souls. Where's the money?"
"I beg of you. Eke. Beg. Patience. Kenneth"
"What's in this house. Does it have a toilet?"
"Every amenity. A place for soap. Four gas burners. Wooden floors. Bit of the damp and loneliness."
"Your own kitchen ? "
"Everything, Kenneth."
"And you're alone?"
"No."
"You're not alone?"
"Exactly."
"Who's living with you?"
"Not with, Kenneth. In the house. A Miss Frost. A charming young lady from Wexford. I'll have you meet her."
"Marion. Where did she go?"
"Away. Scotland. Not feeling well."
"What's the matter? She pregnant?"
"I hope not. Now I think I can see you right. Come out to the Geary with me."
"Doesn't Marion mind your being in the house alone with Miss Frost?"
"Hardly think so. Miss Frost is a very good Catholic. Quite above board. No fear, no scandal, Kenneth. A most interesting person."
"You've got money out there?"
"Just come."
"God damn it You've got nothing on you?"
"I'm a little short"
"God damn it. I knew it was going to be like this. All right, I'll pay the bill. I'm just an utterly defeated bastard"
Dangerfield leaning back. Wiping the mouth. Waitresses watching them. O'Keefe led the way down the stairs. His jutting red beard. Put his hands in his pocket. Dangerfield behind him, walking curiously.
"What's the matter with you?"
"This, Kenneth, is the spider walk. I've been trying to perfect it for some time. You see, every two steps you bring the right foot across from behind and skip. Enables one to turn around without stopping and go in the opposite direction."
"What for?"
"I'm a little self-conscious about turning around these days. Mobility is what I like, Kenneth."
They were approaching the bottom of Grafton Street
"I'm thirsty, Kenneth"
"Yeah."
"Drink of water."
"Go into a shop. They'll give you water."
"That's very complicated."
O'Keefe suspicious. Jaw clamped. Walking faster.
"Now, Kenneth, is there anything wrong with wanting a little drink of water."