The Ginger Man - J. P. Donleavy [59]
Now that we are going along the quays, it reminds me of how much I would like to see a bit of largess. This grabbing Mary is a little embarrassing because she's as hard as a rock and is almost trying to fight me. I get that impression. She had hold of my hand then and without question gave it a twist. I'll twist it right back and take it off altogether.
"Mary, I've got something to show you."
Sebastion took a match box out of his pocket. Pulled it open and showed Mary a replica of the Blessed Oliver Plunket.
"Are you a Catholic? Sure you're not?"
"Mary, I'm everything. Especially a Catholic."
"You can't be Catholic and something else as well."
"Mary, I'm a big wind from East Jesus, a geek from Gaul."
"You're just trying to kid me. And I have to go home. I live over the Capel Street Bridge."
"Now, Mary, I want you to see this fine old inn. Finest of its type in Europe. And I'll sing you a song."
O the Winetavern Street is the silliest
Of the streets full of fury,
O the very, very best
For this moo from Missouri
"Like it?"
"You're a gas man."
"When all the world is funt, Mary. That's the time"
"You're crazy"
Sebastian whipped his head out of the window and had a polite word with the driven
"Mary, we are going into a nice warm room with a fire. And I'll buy you a few nice drinks and we can sit and talk. I'd like to talk with you about Papish things. We would never get along without the Pope. He keeps a little dignity on this earth. If we had a few more like him there wouldn't be all this lechery and deceit. Mary, there are a lot of bad people in this world."
Mary rolled her head on his shoulder and whispered:
"I want you to kiss me again."
Sebastian bolted, eyebrows raised.
"I say, Mary, really!"
"Don't embarrass me."
I can see the Courts of Justice across the river. O the pleas of trespass against the peace of the King in the kingdom of England, made with force and arms, ought not, by the law and custom of England, to be pleaded without the King's writ. O these little things of law. I know them all. And a river is a natural stream of water of greater volume than a creek or rivulet. And the Liffey is a river. And the dome of the four courts is like a prostrate bub. But never mind. This Mary, her spatulate rump, twisting on her tough, tight body. Sit on my knee, now while I learn off the laws of sewers. A lot of strange things happen to one, of an uncanny nature. Perhaps if I had a fish, dead and slime and if I kept Miss Frost's window open and the curtains closed and wait for nosy Skully to stick his head in and give him a violent lash in the face. Splosh. Right in the eyes, too. Slish. Take that, cad.
There was a bump as the cab passed over the sidewalk making the turn into Winetavern Street. The scruffy vehicle pulled up to a closed iron gate. Horse snorting nervously. Case of fleas. Sebastian stepped out gingerly and the man asked him for a pound.
Two of them waiting in the silence. This was to be a case of slight misunderstanding. A time for measuring one's words. Sebastian began quietly.
"I say, old boy, how would you like to spend Christmas in the 'Joy,' with your teeth dropping out of your Catholic arse?"
"It's a pound this time of night"
The man looking through lethargic eyes full of shillings. Looking down into the wild, bloody eyes, all gray round the red globes,
"Perhaps you'd rather that I kick this rolling rat trap to pieces and give you a Celtic baptizing in the Liffey, you vulgar thug"
"I'll call the Guards."
"What?"
"I'll call the Guards."
"What? God damn it"
Sebastian's hand shot out and caught the man by the coat until his face was plunging towards the street and his feet were caught in his seat
"God damn it, another bit of insolence out of you and I'll ram this horse and casket up your hole. Do you understand me?"
"I'll call the Guards."
"You won't be able to call your god damned mother when I'm finished with you. Lout. Hear me? Lout. A pound you bastard. Festering sneak. No decency in you. No love. Do you know what love is? Where's your love, you bastard? Why I'll throttle you to death if you don't show some love. Show me some love or I'll strangle you."