The Death of the Heart - Elizabeth Bowen [141]
"Major Brutt seemed to think so."
"Damn his eyes," Thomas said. "Why can't he keep out of this? What is it Anna? Have you any idea?"
"Yes, I must say I have. She thinks I read her diary."
"Does she keep a diary?"
"Yes, she does. And I do."
"Oh! Do you," said Thomas. Having seemed not to think of this for some time, he began to rap with his thumbs again.
"Darling, must you do that? You make all the glasses jump—No, it's not at all odd: it's the sort of thing I do do. Her diary's very good—you see, she has got us taped. Could I not go on with a book all about ourselves? I don't say it has changed the course of my life, but it's given me a rather more disagreeable feeling about being alive—or, at least, about being me."
"I can't see, all the same, why that should send her right off at the deep end. His hotel's right off in Kensington, isn't it? And why Brutt? Where does he come in?"
"He has sent her puzzles."
"Still, even that could be something," said St. Quentin. "Even that, I suppose, could be quite encouraging."
"I've got housemaid's tricks," Anna went on, "and more spare time than a housemaid. All the same, I should like to know how she knew I'd been at her diary. I put it back where it lives; I don't leave finger marks: I should have seen if she'd tied a thread round it. Matchett cannot have told her, because I never touch it unless I know Matchett is out.... That's what puzzles me. I really should like to know."
"Would you?" St. Quentin said. "Well, that's simple: I told her." He looked at Anna rather critically, as though she had just said some distinctly doubtful thing. The pause, through which Thomas made his steady aloofness felt,, was underlined by the swimming entrance of Phyllis, who changed the plates and brought in a strawberry comp6te. St. Quentin, left face to face with what he had just said, stayed composedly smiling and looking down. Meanwhile: "Oh, Phyllis," said Anna, "you might tell Matchett Miss Portia has rung up. She has been delayed; we're expecting her back later."
"Yes, madam. Should cook keep her dinner hot?"
"No," said Anna. "She will have had dinner." When Phyllis had gone, Anna picked her spoon up, looked at the strawberries, then said: "Oh, did you really, St. Quentin?"
"I suppose you want to know why?"
"No, I'd much rather not."
"How like Portia—she took no interest, either. Of course, Portia had had a shock, too, and though I felt very much moved to tell her about myself, she was in no mood to listen. As I said to her in Marylebone High Street, how completely closed we are to one another.... But what I should like to know is, how do you know she knows?"
"Yes, by the way," said Thomas, coming alive abruptly, "how do you know she knows?"
"I quite see," said Anna, slightly raising her voice, "that whatever anyone else may have done—betray confidences, or run off to Major Brutt—it is I who have been to blame, from the very start. Well listen, St. Quentin, listen, Thomas: Portia has not said a word about this to me. That would not be her way. No, she simply rang up Eddie, who rang me up to complain how unkind I'd been. That happened today. When did you tell her, St, Quentin?"
"Last Wednesday. I so well remember, because—"
"—Very well. Since Wednesday, something else must have happened to bring all this to a head. On Saturday I did think she looked odd. She came in and found Eddie here at tea. Possibly he and she blew off in some way when they were down at Seale. Perhaps Eddie got a fright."
"Yes, he's sensitive," said St. Quentin. "Do you mind if I smoke?" Having lighted cigarettes for himself and Anna, he added: "How I do hate Eddie."
"Yes, so do I," said Thomas.
"Thomas—you never said sol"
With a gigantic air of starting to ease himself, Thomas said: "Yes, he is such a little rat. And his work's been so specious. Merrett wants to fire him."
"You can't do that, Thomas: he'd starve. Why should Eddie starve simply because you don't like him?"
"Why should he not starve simply because you do? The principle seems to me the same throughout, and bad. Worse things happen to better people."