The Death of the Heart - Elizabeth Bowen [103]
The three other girls, at these words, scurried ahead like rabbits. Portia turned away to the yellow curtains: she got two apart and wrenched open the glass doors. A gash of dark air fell into the room; several people shivered and looked round. She stepped on to the balcony hanging over the black sea, lit by the windows' muffled yellow light. In a minute, Eddie came after her: he looked round the dark and said: "Where are you? Are you still here?"
"Here I am."
"That's right: don't go over the edge."
Eddie leaned on the frame of another window, folded his arms and broke out into sobbing: against the window she saw his shoulders shake. Someone sobbing like that must not be gone near.
VIII
THE DIARY
Monday.
This morning Mrs. Heccomb did not say anything, as though yesterday had been all my dream. I have gone on with the puzzle, it has been knocked, so part that I did is undone and I could not begin again where I left off. Perhaps it is in the way in the sun porch? Daphne did not say anything more either. It is raining, but more dark than it rains.
Tuesday.
When I woke, it rained as much as it could, it has stopped now and the esplanade looks shiny. Mrs. Heccomb and I went into Toyne's this morning, to buy clips to stop things blowing away, and coming out of Toyne's she looked as though she was going to say something but she did not, perhaps she was not going to. On wet days the street smells much more of salt. This afternoon we went to tea with some people to talk about the church fete and they said what a pity I should not be there. It will be in June, by June I wonder what will have happened?
Wednesday.
It is queer to be in a place when someone has gone. It is not two other places, the place that they were there in,and the place that was there before they came. I can't get used to this third place or to staying behind.
Mrs. Heccomb has a new piano pupil in Southstone, and took me in there when she went to give the lesson. I waited for her on a seat on the cliff. I saw the flags on the East Cliff Pavilion, but did not go near that.
Thursday.
Daphne says Cecil is hurt with me. And she says Eddie burnt a hole in the eiderdown Cecil's mother lent for his bed, which has made an awkward position with Cecil's mother. Daphne says it cannot be helped but she does think I ought to know.
Friday.
I got a letter from Eddie, so did Mrs. Heccomb, he says to her he will always have memories of here. She showed me the letter and said wasn?t it nice, but still did not say any more about Eddie. She looked once as if she was going to but she did not, perhaps she was not really going to.
Cecil came this evening and said he had had an internal chill. I do not think he is really hurt with me.
Saturday.
Last week this was the day Eddie was coming. Dickie is kindly taking me into Southstone to watch that ice hockey, Clara is coming too and we shall go in her car. Daphne and Evelyn are going to dance at the Splendide with Mr. Bursely and a man he will bring. Cecil says he has still rather a chill.
Sunday.
I went to church with Mrs. Heccomb this morning, it was raining hard on the church roof. You can hardly see inland because of all the rain. It must be wet in those woods and everywhere. Today I am going to tea with Cecil's mother.
Monday.
I got a letter from Major Brutt thanking me for my letter thanking him for the puzzle. He wonders when we will all be back.
I think they have all forgotten everything that has happened.
Clara has been so kind, she asked me to .come with her to Evelyn's house to practise badminton, and we did, but did not get on very well. After that I went back to tea with Clara. Her father is rich, he is in tea. Her house is hot inside and has big game rugs, and on the landings there are flowers with their pots put inside big brass pots. Clara took me up to her bedroom with her, she has Dickie's photograph by her bed, with Your's Dickie written by him on it. She said it was often dull for me and her, because of all the others always working all day, and Clara sometimes thinks she will take something up. She gave me a chiffon handkerchief she has never used, and two necklaces off her own tray. I shall show these at once to Dickie to show how kind Clara is.