Native Son - Richard Wright [101]
“They found her?” Bessie asked.
“Hunh?”
“They found her?”
“Yeah. Her bones….”
“Bones?”
“Aw, Bessie. I didn’t know what to do. I put her in the furnace.”
Bessie flung her face to his wet coat and wailed violently.
“Bigger!”
“Hunh?”
“What we going to do?”
“I don’t know.”
“They’ll be looking for us.”
“They got my picture.”
“Where can we hide?”
“We can stay in some of them old houses for awhile.”
“But they might find us there.”
“There’s plenty of ’em. It’ll be like hiding in a jungle.”
The milk on the stove boiled over. Bessie rose, her lips still twisted with sobs, and turned off the electric switch. She poured out a glass of milk and brought it to him. He sipped it, slowly, then set the glass aside and leaned over again. They were silent. Bessie gave him the glass once more and he drank it down, then another glass. He stood up, his legs and entire body feeling heavy and sleepy.
“Get your clothes on. And get them blankets and quilts. We got to get out of here.”
She went to the bed and rolled the covers back, rolling the pillows with them; as she worked Bigger went to her and put his hands on her shoulders.
“Where’s the bottle?”
She got it from her purse and gave it to him; he drank a long swallow and she put it back.
“Hurry up,” he said.
She sobbed softly as she worked, pausing now and then to wipe tears from her eyes. Bigger stood in the middle of the floor, thinking, Maybe they searching at home now; maybe they talking to Ma and Vera and Buddy. He crossed the floor and twitched back the curtains and looked out. The streets were white and empty. He turned and saw Bessie bent motionless over the pile of bedclothing.
“Come on; we got to get out of here.”
“I don’t care what happens.”
“Come on. You can’t act like that.”
What could he do with her? She would be a dangerous burden. It would be impossible to take her if she were going to act like this, and yet he could not leave her here. Coldly, he knew that he had to take her with him, and then at some future time settle things with her, settle them in a way that would not leave him in any danger. He thought of it calmly, as if the decision were being handed down to him by some logic not his own, over which he had no control, but which he had to obey.
“You want me to leave you here?”
“Naw; naw…. Bigger!”
“Well, come on. Get your hat and coat.”
She was facing him, then she sank to her knees.
“Oh, Lord,” she moaned. “What’s the use of running? They’ll catch us anywhere. I should’ve known this would happen.” She clenched her hands in front of her and rocked to and fro with her eyes closed upon gushing tears. “All my life’s been full of hard trouble. If I wasn’t hungry, I was sick. And if I wasn’t sick, I was in trouble. I ain’t never bothered nobody. I just worked hard every day as long as I can remember, till I was tired enough to drop; then I had to get drunk to forget it. I had to get drunk to sleep. That’s all I ever did. And now I’m in this. They looking for me and when they catch me they’ll kill me.” She bent her head to the floor. “God only knows why I ever let you treat me this way. I wish to God I never seen you. I wish one of us had died before we was born. God knows I do! All you ever caused me was trouble, just plain black trouble. All you ever did since we been knowing each other was to get me drunk so’s you could have me. That was all! I see it now. I ain’t drunk now. I see everything you ever did to me. I didn’t want to see it before. I was too busy thinking about how good I felt when I was with you. I thought I was happy, but deep down in me I knew I wasn’t. But you got me into this murder and I see it all now. I been a fool, just a blind dumb black drunk fool. Now I got to run away and I know deep down in your heart you really don