Invisible man - Ralph Ellison [142]
I shot to my feet, the paper rattling poisonously in my hands. What did it mean? Who'd send such a thing?
"Brother Tarp!" I called, reading again the wavery lines of a handwriting that was somehow familiar. "Brother Tarp!"
"What is it, son?"
And looking up, I received another shock. Framed there in the gray, early morning light of the door, my grandfather seemed to look from his eyes. I gave a quick gasp, then there was a silence in which I could hear his wheezing breath as he eyed me unperturbed.
"What's wrong?" he said, limping into the room.
I reached for the envelope. "Where did this come from?" I said.
"What is it?" he said, taking it calmly from my hands.
"It's unstamped."
"Oh, yes -- I saw it myself," he said. "I reckon somebody put it in the box late last night. I took it out with the regular mail. Is it something that wasn't for you?"
"No," I said, avoiding his eyes. "But -- it isn't dated. I was wondering when it arrived -- Why are you staring at me?"
"Because looks to me like you seen a ghost. You feel sick?"
"It's nothing," I said. "Just a slight upset."
There was an awkward silence. He stood there and I forced myself to look at his eyes again, finding my grandfather gone, leaving only the searching calm. I said, "Sit down a second, Brother Tarp. Since you're here I'd like to ask you a question."
"Sure," he said, dropping into a chair. "Go 'head."
"Brother Tarp, you get around and know the members -- how do they really feel about me?"
He cocked his head. "Why, sure -- they think you're going to make a real leader --"
"But?"
"Ain't no buts, that's what they think and I don't mind telling you."
"But what about the others?"
"What others?"
"The ones who don't think so much of me?"
"Them's the ones I haven't heard about, son."
"But I must have some enemies," I said.
"Sure, I guess everybody has 'em, but I never heard of anybody here in the Brotherhood not liking you. As far as folks up here is concerned they think you're it. You heard any different?"
"No, but I was wondering. I've been going along taking them so much for granted that I thought I'd better check so that I can keep their support."
"Well, you don't have to worry. So far, nearly everything you had anything to do with has turned out to be what the folks like, even things some of 'em resisted. Take that there," he said, pointing to the wall near my desk.
It was a symbolic poster of a group of heroic figures: An American Indian couple, representing the dispossessed past; a blond brother (in overalls) and a leading Irish sister, representing the dispossessed present; and Brother Tod Clifton and a young white couple (it had been felt unwise simply to show Clifton and the girl) surrounded by a group of children of mixed races, representing the future, a color photograph of bright skin texture and smooth contrast.
"So?" I said, staring at the legend:
"After the Struggle: The Rainbow of America's Future"
"Well, when you first suggested it, some of the members was against you."
"That's certainly true."
"Sho, and they raised the devil about the youth members going into the subways and sticking 'em up in place of them constipation ads and things -- but do you know what they doing now?"
"I guess they're holding it against me because some of the kids were arrested," I said.
"Holding it against you? Hell, they going around bragging about it. But what I was about to say is they taking them rainbow pictures and tacking 'em to their walls 'long with 'God Bless Our Home' and the Lord's Prayer. They're crazy about it. And same way with the Hot-Footers and all that. You don't have to worry, son. They might resist some of your ideas, but when the deal goes down, they with you right on down to the ground. The only enemies you likely to have is somebody on the outside who's jealous to see you spring up all of a sudden and start to doing some of the things what should of been done years ago. And what do you care when some folks start knocking you? It's a sign you getting some place."
"I'd like to believe so, Brother Tarp," I said. "As long as I have the people with me I'll believe in what I'm doing."