Henderson the Rain King - Saul Bellow [32]
�u'on le touche il r�nne.__ And you saw yesterday what savagery can be if you never saw it before, throwing passes with his own father's skull. And now with the lions. Lions! And the man almost a graduate physician. The whole thing is crazy." Thus I reflected. But then I also had to take into account the fact that I have a voice within me repeating, _I__ _want,__ raving and demanding, making a chaos, desiring, desiring, and disappointed continually, which drove me forth as beaters drive game. So I had no business to make terms with life, but had to accept such conditions as it would let me have. But at moments I would have been glad to find that my fever alone had originated all that had happened since I left Charlie and his bride and took off on my own expedition--the Arnewi, the frogs, Mtalba, and the corpse and the gallop in vine leaves with those giant women. And now this powerful black personage who soothed me--but was he trustworthy? How about trustworthy? And I, myself, hulking in the green silk pants that went with the office of rain king. I was smarting, harkening, straining my ears, my suspicious eyes. Oh, hell! How shall a man be broken for whom reality has no fixed dwelling! How he shall be broken! So I was sitting in this palace with its raw red walls, and the white rocks amid which the flowers flourished. By the doors were amazons, and, more particularly, this fierce old Tatu with big nostrils. She sat dreaming on the floor in her garrison cap. All the same, as we sat there talking I felt we were men of unusual dimensions. Trustworthiness was a separate issue. At this time there began a conversation which could never be duplicated anywhere in the world. I hitched up the green pants a little. My head was swayed by the fever but I demanded firmness of myself and I said, speaking steadily, "Your Majesty, I don't intend to back down on the bet. I have certain principles. But I still don't know what this is all about, being dressed up as the rain king." "It is not merely dress," said Dahfu. "You are the Sungo. It is literal, Mr. Henderson. I could not have made Sungo of you if you had not had the strength to move Mummah." "Well, that's okay then--but the rest, with the gods? I felt very bad, Your Highness, I don't mind telling you. I could never claim that I led a very good life. I'm sure it's written all over me �" The king nodded. "I've done a hell of a lot of things, too, both as a soldier and a civilian. I'll say it straight out, I don't even deserve to be chronicled on toilet paper. But when I saw them start to beat Mummah and Hummat and all the others, I fell to the ground. It got to be pretty dark out there and I don't know whether you saw that or not." "I saw you. It is not my idea, Henderson, of how to be." The king spoke softly. "I have far other ideas. You will see. But shall we speak only to each other?" "You want to do me a favor, Your Highness, a big favor? The biggest favor possible?" "Assuredly. Why certainly." "All right, then, this is it: will you expect the truth from me? That's my only hope. Without it everything else might as well go bust." He began to smile. "Why, how could I refuse you this? I am glad, Henderson-Sungo, but you must let me make the same request, otherwise it will be worthless if not mutual. But do you have expectation as to the form the truth is to take? Are you prepared if it comes in another shape, unanticipated?" "Your Majesty, it's a deal. This is a pact between us. Oh, you don't understand how great a favor you're doing me. When I left the Arnewi (and I may as well tell you that I goofed there--maybe you know it) I thought that I had lost my last chance. I was just about to find out about the grun-tu-molani when this terrible thing happened, which was all my fault, and I left under a cloud. Christ, I was humiliated. You see, Your Highness, I keep thinking about the spirit's sleep and when the hell is it ever going to burst. So yesterday, when I became the rain king--oh, what an experience! How will I ever communicate it to Lily (my wife)?" "I do appreciate this, Mr. Henderson-Sungo. I intentionally wished to keep you with me a while hoping that exchanges of importance would be possible. For I do not find it easy to express myself to my own people. Only Horko has been in the world at all and with him I cannot freely exchange, either. They are against me here