From Here to Eternity_ The Restored Edit - Jones, James [472]
“I dont know. Why.”
“Why; for you, thats why. Because you’re my wife, and I love you. For you and our son and our home, thats why.”
“I always thought you did it because you wanted to get ahead,” Karen said.
“But why does a man want to get ahead? Do you think its just because he wants money? and power?”
“I had thought so.”
“What good will money and power do a man? If he’s alone. A man tries to get ahead because of his wife and his sons. So he can give them the things he’s never had. So he can make life nice for them. So he can have a home. And a family.”
“I guess I just have no gratitude,” Karen said.
“Gratitude!” Holmes said desperately. “For God’s sake, Karen!”
“Perhaps I’m amoral,” Karen said cheerfully. “You know, like criminals?”
Somehow or other, without quite knowing how, the last spear gone, broken against the unbreechable armor, Holmes found himself on the defensive. He was pleading.
“Where would this country be? If all the wives felt like that?”
“I have absolutely no idea,” Karen said. “In fact, I’ve never even considered the possibility.”
“A man hears about other men’s wives,” Holmes said. “But his own . . .”
“But you didnt think it could happen in your own home?”
“Happen!” Holmes said. “If anyone had told me it would happen in my home, I’d have killed them! I tried not to believe it. I told myself it wasnt true. As long as I possibly could.”
“But it has happened in your own home. Right?”
Holmes nodded dumbly. “I convinced myself it was all my imagination.”
“So it has to be dealt with. Right?”
“You dont know how a man feels,” Holmes said.
“No,” Karen said. “I suppose not.”
“Men dont feel like women do. About a thing like that. Women know it doesnt mean anything to a man. But it breaks a man all up, inside. It destroys his manhood.”
“I wonder why men feel so different from women?” Karen said.
“I dont know,” Holmes said miserably. “All I know is, they do.”
“I’ll tell you what,” Karen said cheerfully. “Its a lovely day out. I think I’ll go for a walk, then walk up to the Club and lunch by myself. I’m good and hungry. And then you’ll have time to decide before I get back.”
“Decide what?”
“What you’re going to do.”
“I’d rather you didnt go yet,” Holmes asked. “I’d like to get this whole thing settled up first.”
“I thought it was already settled.”
“Well, its not. You havent hardly said anything.”
“What is there for me to say?”
“I’m willing to forgive you,” Holmes said. “Tell me where you were, and who you were with. Make a clean breast of it. I’ll forgive you.”
“I’m sorry,” Karen said. “I’m afraid thats something you’ll never know.”
“You’ll have to tell me someday.”
“Why?”
“Well, you just will. After all, I’m your husband. You cant hide things from me forever.”
“My God,” Karen said, grinning, “if you surely dont sound like a page out of Hemingway. I’m not going to hide anything from you. I’m just not going to tell you.
“I will tell you something else, though. I’ve deceived you before. Once. You never knew about it. And it is very likely I’ll deceive you again someday. One never knows. But I think you ought to know that before you decide anything. We’re going to have to change the terms of our agreement, you see.
“Now you just sit right there,” she said maternally, “and take it easy, and decide what you want to do. If you want to divorce me, all right. And if you dont thats all right, too. Whatever you decide is just fine.
“But Junior will be coming home from school for lunch in a few minutes now, and we dont want him to see us having a big scene, do we?”
“I’m hungry,” Holmes said dismally.
“Theres plenty of cold meat and stuff in the refrigerator,” Karen said. “And I’ll be back before dinner.”
“But what about Junior’s lunch?”
“Bella always fixes it right after breakfast and puts it in the refrigerator, remember?” she explained patiently. “Its all right in there on the plate. He knows where it is.”
“Well, do you care if I go up to the Club with you?” Holmes asked humbly.
“I’d rather go by myself. Its a lovely day out, and I want to enjoy it. Without having to talk over problems.”