Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh [77]
'Mr Mottram is waiting, my Lady. I've shown him into the library.'
'Oh, mummy, I can't be bothered with him. Do tell him to go home.'
'That's not at all kind, Julia. I've often said he's not my favourite among your friends, but I have grown quite used to him, almost to like him. You really mustn't take people up and drop them like this—particularly people like Mr Mottram.'
Oh, mummy, must I see him? There'll be a scene if I do.'
'Nonsense, Julia, you twist that poor man round your finger.'
So Julia went into the library and came out an hour later engaged to be married.
'Oh, mummy, I warned you this would happen if I went in there.'
'You did nothing of the kind. You merely said there would be a scene. I never conceived of a scene of this kind.'
'Anyway, you do like him, mummy. You said so.'
'He has been very kind in a number of ways. I regard him as entirely unsuitable as your husband. So will everyone.'
'Damn everybody.'
'We know nothing about him. He may have black blood—in fact he is suspiciously dark. Darling, the whole thing's impossible. I can't see how you can have been so foolish.'
'Well, what right have I got otherwise to be angry with him if he goes with that horrible old woman? You make a great thing about rescuing fallen women. Well, I'm rescuing, a fallen man for a change. I'm saving Rex from mortal sin.'
'Don't be irreverent, Julia.'
'Well, isn't it mortal sin to sleep with Brenda Champion?'
'Or indecent.'
'He's promised never to see her again. I couldn't ask him to do that unless I admitted I was in love with him could I?'
'Mrs Champion's morals, thank God, are not my business. Your happiness is. If you must know, I think Mr Mottram a kind and useful friend, but I wouldn't trust him an inch, and I'm sure he'll have very unpleasant children. They always revert. I've no doubt you'll regret the whole thing in a few days. Meanwhile nothing is to be done. No one must be told anything or allowed to suspect. You must stop lunching with him. You may see him here, of course, but nowhere in public. You had better send him to me and I will have a little talk to him about it.' Thus began a year's secret engagement for Julia; a time of great stress, for Rex made love to her that afternoon for the first time; not, as had happened to her once or twice before with sentimental and uncertain boys, but with a passion that disclosed the corner of something like it in her. Their passion frightened her, and she came back from the confessional one day determined to put an end to it.
'Otherwise I must stop seeing you,' she said.
Rex was humble at once, just as he had been in the winter, day after day, when he used to wait for her in the cold in his big car.
'If only we could be married immediately,' she said.
For six weeks they remained at arm's length, kissing when they met and parted, sitting meantime at a distance, talking of what they would do and where they would live and of Rex's chances of an under-secretaryship. Julia was content, deep in love, living in the future. Then, just before the end of the session, she learned that Rex had been staying the week-end with a stockbroker at Sunningdale, when he said he was at his constituency, and that Mrs Champion had been there, too.
On the evening she heard of this, when Rex came as usual to Marchmain House, they re-enacted the scene of two months before.
'What do you expect?' he said. 'What right have you to ask so much, when you give so little?'
She took her problem to Farm Street and propounded it in general terms, not in the confessional, but in a dark little parlour kept for such interviews.
'Surely, Father, it can't be wrong to commit a small sin myself in order to keep him from a much worse one?'
But the gentle old Jesuit was unyielding. She barely listened to him; he was refusing her what she wanted, that was all she needed to know.
When he had finished he said, 'Now you had better make your confession.'
'No, thank you,' she said, as though refusing the offer of something in a shop. 'I don't think I want to today,' and walked angrily home.