Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh [121]
'Listen to this; it'll be good; Rex will tell you a thing.'
Friend of mine motoring in the Black Forest only the other day, just came back and told me about it while we played a round of golf. Well, this friend driving along, turned down a lane into the high road. What should he find but a military convoy? Couldn't stop, drove right into it, smack into a tank, broadside on. Gave himself up for dead...Hold on this is the funny part.'
'This is the funny part.'
'Drove clean through it, didn't scratch his paint;. What do you think? It was made of canvas—a bamboo frame and painted canvas.'
'They haven't the steel.'
'They haven't the tools. They haven't the labour. They're half starving. They haven't the fats. The children have rickets.'
'The women are barren.'
'The men are impotent.'
'They haven't the doctors.'
'The doctors were Jewish.'
'Now they've got consumption.'
'Now they've got syphilis.'
'Goering told a friend of mine...'
'Goebbels told a friend of mine...'
'Ribbentrop told me that the army just kept Hitler in power so long as he was able to get things for nothing. The moment anyone stands up to him, he's finished. The army will shoot him.'
'The Liberals will hang him.'
'The Communists will tear him limb from limb.'
'He'll scupper himself.'
'He'd do it now if it wasn't for Chamberlain.'
'If it wasn't for Halifax.'
'If it wasn't for Sir Samuel Hoare.'
'And the 1922Committee.'
'Peace Pledge.'
'Foreign Office.'
'New York Banks.'
'All that's wanted is a good strong line.'
'A line from Rex.'
'We'll give Europe a good strong line. Europe is waiting for a speech from Rex.'
'And a speech from me.'
'And a speech from me. Rally the freedom-loving peoples of the world. Germany will rise; Austria will rise. The Czechs and the Slovaks are bound to rise.'
'To a speech from Rex and a speech from me.'
'What about a rubber? How about a whisky? Which of you chaps will have a big cigar? Hullo, you two going out?'
'Yes, Rex, ' said Julia. 'Charles and I are going into the moonlight.'
We shut the windows behind us and the voices ceased; the moonlight lay like hoar frost on the terrace and the music of the fountain crept in our ears- the stone balustrade of the terrace might have been the Trojan walls, and in the silent park might have stood the Grecian tents where Cressid lay that night.
'A few days, a few months.'
'No time to be lost.'
'A lifetime between the rising of the moon and its setting. Then the dark.'
4
'AND of course Celia will have custody of the children.'
'Of course.'
'Then what about the Old Rectory? I don't imagine you'll want to settle down with Julia bang at our gates. The children look on it as their home, you know. Robin's got no place of his own till his uncle dies. After all, you never used the studio, did You? Robin was saying only the other day what a good playroom it would make—big enough for Badminton.'
'Robin can have the Old Rectory.'
'Now with regard to money, Celia and Robin naturally don't want to accept anything for themselves, but there's the question of the children's education.'
'That will be all right. I'll see the lawyers about it.'
'Well, I think that's everything,' said Mulcaster. 'You know, I've seen a few divorces in my time, and I've never known one work out so happily for all concerned. Almost always, however matey people are at the start, bad blood crops up when they get down to detail. Mind you, I don't mind saying there have been times in the last two years when I thought you were treating Celia a bit rough. It's hard to tell with one's own sister, but I've always thought her a jolly attractive girl, the sort of girl any chap would be glad to have—artistic, too, just down your street. But I must admit you're a good picker. I've always had a soft spot for Julia. Anyway, as things have turned out everyone seems satisfied. Robin's been mad about Celia for a year or more. D'you know him?'
'Vaguely. A half-baked, pimply youth as I remember him.'
'Oh, I wouldn't quite say that. He's rather young, of course, but the great thing is that Johnjohn and Caroline adore him. You've got two grand kids there, Charles. Remember me to Julia; wish her all the best for old times' sake.'