Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh [117]
'Rex says it saves four days' work a week not to.'
'I'm so he's not here. I have a little announcement to make.'
'Bridey, don't be so mysterious. Out with it.'
He made the grimace which seemed to mean 'not before the servants.'
Later when port was on the table and we three were alone Julia said: 'I'm not going till I hear the announcement.'
'Well,' said Bridey, sitting back in his chair and gazing fixedly at his glass. 'You have only to wait until Monday to see it in black and white in the newspapers. I am engaged to be married. I hope you are pleased.'
'Bridey. How...how very exciting! Who to?'
'Oh, no one you know.'
'Is she pretty?'
'I don't think you would exactly call her pretty; "comely" is the word I think of in her connection. She is a big woman.'
'Fat?'
'No, big. She is called Mrs Muspratt; her Christian name is Beryl. I have known her for a long time, but until last year she had a husband; now she is a widow. Why do you laugh?'
'I'm sorry. It isn't the least funny. It's just so unexpected. Is she...is she about your own age?'
'Just about, I believe. She has three children, the eldest boy has just gone to Ampleforth. She is not at all well off.'
'But, Bridey, where did you find her?'
'Her late husband, Admiral Muspratt, collected matchboxes he said with complete gravity.
Julia trembled on the verge of laughter, recovered her self-possession, and asked: 'You're not marrying her for her matchboxes?'
'No, no; the whole collection was left to the Falmouth Town Library. I have a great affection for her. In spite of all her difficulties she is a very cheerful woman, very fond of acting. She is connected with the Catholic Players' Guild.'
'Does papa know?'
'I had a letter from him this morning giving me his approval. He has been urging me to marry for some time.'
It occurred both to Julia and myself simultaneously that we were allowing curiosity and surprise to predominate; now we congratulated him in gentler tones from which mockery was almost excluded.
'Thank you,' he said, 'thank you. I think I am very fortunate.'
'But when are we going to meet her? I do think you might have brought her down with you.'
He said nothing, sipped and gazed.
'Bridey,' said Julia. 'You sly, smug old brute, why haven't you brought her here?'
'Oh, I couldn't do that, you know.'
'Why couldn't you? I'm dying to meet her. Let's ring her up now and invite her. She'll think us most peculiar leaving her alone at a time like this.'
'She has the children,' said Brideshead. 'Besides, you are peculiar, aren't you?'
'What can you mean?'
Brideshead raised his head and looked solemnly at his sister, and continued in the same simple way, as though he were saying nothing particularly different from what had gone before, 'I couldn't ask her here, as things are. It wouldn't be suitable. After all, I am a lodger here. This is Rex's house at the moment, so far as it's anybody's. What goes on here is his business. But I couldn't bring Beryl here.'
'I simply don't understand,' said Julia rather sharply. I looked at her. All the gentle mockery had gone; she was alert, almost scared, it seemed. 'Of course, Rex and I want her to come.'
'Oh, yes, I don't doubt that. The difficulty is quite otherwise.'
He finished his port, refilled his glass, and pushed the decanter towards me. 'You must understand that Beryl is a woman of strict Catholic principle fortified by the prejudices of the middle class. I couldn't possibly bring her here. It is a matter of indifference whether you choose to live in sin with Rex or Charles or both—I have always avoided inquiry into the details of your ménage—but in no case would Beryl consent to be your guest.'
Julia rose. 'Why, you pompous ass... ' she said, stopped, and turned towards the door.
At first I thought she was overcome by laughter; then, as I opened the door to her, I saw with consternation that she was in tears. I hesitated. She slipped past me without a glance.
'I may have given the impression that this was a marriage of convenience' Brideshead continued placidly. I cannot speak for Beryl; no doubt the security of my position has some influence on her. Indeed, she has said as much. But for myself, let me emphasize, I am ardently attracted.'