All the King's Men - Robert Penn Warren [47]
At ten-thirty there was a knock on the door. I yelled, and in came Willie.
“Where you been?” I asked him.
“Been here all afternoon,” he said.
“Duffy been dragging you round to shake hands with all the leading citizens?”
“Yeah,” he said, glumly.
The glumness in his voice made me look sharply at him. “What’s the matter?” I asked. “Don’t the boys around here talk nice to you?”
“Sure, they talk all right,” he said. He came over and took a chair by the writing table. He poured some water into one of the glasses on the tray beside my bottle of red-eye, drank it, repeated, “Yeah, they talk all right.”
I looked at him again. The face was thinner and the skin was pulled back tighter so that it looked almost transparent under the cluster of freckles. He sat there heavily, not paying any attention to me as though he were mumbling something over and over in his mind.
“What’s eating you?” I asked.
For a moment he didn’t act as if he had heard me, and when he did turn his head to me there seemed to be connection between the act and what I had said. The act seemed to come from what was going on inside his head and not because I had spoken.
“A man don’t have to be Governor,” he said.
“Huh?” I responded in my surprise, for that was the last thing I ever expected out of Willie by that time. The showing in the last town (where I hadn’t been) must have been a real frost to wake him up.
“A man don’t have to be Governor,” he repeated, and as I looked at his face now I didn’t see the thin-skinned, boyish face, but another face under it, as though the first face were a mask of glass and now I could through it to the other one. I looked at the second face and saw, all of a sudden, the heavyish lips laid together to remain you of masonry and the knot of muscle on each cheek back where the jawbone hinges on.
“Well,” I replied belatedly, “the votes haven’t been counted yet.”
He mumbled over in his mind what he had been working on. Then he said, “I’m not denying I wanted it. I won’t lie to you,” he said, and leaned forward a little and looked at me as though he were trying to convince me of the thing which I was already surer of than I was of hands and feet. “I wanted it. I lay awake at night, just wanting it.” He worked his big hands on his knees, making the knuckles crack. “Hell, a man can lie there and want something so bad and be so full of wanting it he just plain forgets what it is he wants. Just like when you are a boy and the sap first rises and you think you will go crazy some night wanting something and you want it so bad and get so near sick wanting it you near forget what it is. It’s something inside you–” he leaned at me, with his eyes on my face, and grabbed the front of his sweat-streaked blue shirt to make me think he was going to snatch the buttons loose to show me something.
But he subsided back in the chair, letting his eyes leave me to look across the wall as though the wall weren’t there, and said, “But wanting don’t make a thing true. You don’t have to live forever to figure that out.”
That was so true I didn’t reckon it was worthwhile even to agree with him.
He didn’t seem to notice my silence, he was so wrapped up in his own. But after a minute he pulled out of it, stared at me, and said, “I could have made a good Governor. By God–” And he struck his knee with his fist–“by God, a lot better than those fellows. Look here–” and he leaned at me–“what this state needs is a new tax program. And the rate ought to be raised on the coal lands the state’s got leased out. And there’s not a decent road in the state once you get in the country. And I could save this state some money by merging some departments. And schools–look at me, I never had a decent day’s schooling in my life, what I got I dug out, and there’s no reason why this state–”
I had heard it all before. On the platform when he stood up there high and pure in the face and nobody gave a damn.
He must have noticed that I wasn’t giving a damn. He shut up all of a sudden. He got up and walked across the floor, and back, his head thrust forward and the forelock falling over his brow. He stopped in front of me.