All the King's Men - Robert Penn Warren [122]
Then the old man broke off a piece of chocolate and placed it between the expectant lips, and peered into George’s face while taste buds, no doubt, glowed incandescent in the inner dark and gland with a tired, sweet, happy sigh released their juices, and George’s face took on an expression of slow, deep, inward, germinal bliss, like that of a saint.
Well, I almost said to the old man, you said the physical was never cause, but a chocolate bar is physical and look what it’s causing, for to look at that face you might think it was a bite of Jesus and not a slug of Hershey’s had done. And how you going to tell the difference, huh?
But I didn’t say it, for I was looking there at the old man, who was leaning over with his spectacles hanging and his coat hanging and his belly hanging from the leaning, and who was holding out another morsel of chocolate and who was clucking soft, and whose own face was happy, for that was the word for what his face was, and as I looked at him I suddenly saw the man in the long white room by the sea, the same man but a different man, and the rain of the squall driving in off the sea in the early dark lashed the windowpanes but it was a happy sound and safe because the fire danced on the hearth and on the windowpanes where the rain ran down to thread the night-black glass with silver, to mix the silver with the flames caught there, too, and the man leaned and held out something and said, “Here’s what Daddy brought tonight, but just one bite now–” and the man broke off a piece and held it out–“just one bite, for your supper’s near ready now–but after supper–”
I looked at the old man over there and my guts went warm and a big lump seemed to dissolve in my chest–as though I had carried a big lump around in there for so long I had got used to it and didn’t realized it had been there until suddenly it was gone and the breath came easy. “Father,” I said, “Father–”
The old man looked up at me and said querulously, “What–what did you say?”
Oh, father, father! but he wasn’t in the long white room by the sea any more and never would be, for he had walked out of it–why? why? because he wasn’t enough of a man to run his own house, because he was a fool, because–and he had walked a long way and up the steps to this room where an old man leaned with the chocolate in his hand and happiness–if that was what it was–momentarily on his face. Only it wasn’t on his face now. There was just the faint peevishness of an old person who hasn’t quite understood the faint peevishness of an old person who hasn’t quite understood something said.
But I had come a long way, too, from that long white room by the sea, I had got up off that hearthrug before the fire, where I had sat with my tin circus wagon and my colored crayons and paper, listening to the squall-driven rain on the glass, and where Daddy had leaned to say, “Here’s what Daddy brought tonight,” and I had come to this room where Jack Burden leaned against the wall with a cigarette in his mouth. Nobody was leaning over him to give him chocolate.
So, looking into the old man’s face, answering his querulous question, I said, “Oh, nothing.” For that was what it was. Whatever it had been was nothing now. For whatever was is not now, and whatever is will not be, and the foam that looks so sun-bright when the wind is kicking up the breakers lies streaked on the hard sand after the tide is out and looks like scum off the dishwater.
But there was something: scum left on the hard sand. So I said, “Yeah, there was something.”
“What?”
“Tell me about Judge Irwin,” I said.
He straightened up to face me, blinking palely behind the spectacles as he had blinked at me upon coming from light into the darkness of the Mexican restaurant below.
“Judge Irwin,” I repeated, “you know–your old bosom pal.”
“That was another time,” he croaked, staring at me, holding the broken chocolate in his hand.
“Sure, it was,” I said, and looking at him now, thought, It sure-God was. And said,